Tightrope
by eorocks
Summary: Olivia had the opportunity to meet a very good friend of Elliot's (Sam), but things take a turn and now Olivia must navigate a tightrope as she tries to reconcile her relationship with Sam and what Elliot knows about his friend.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Hello readers! So, I know this is my 50_ _th_ _story on FF, but I was feeling a lot of pressure because I wanted my 50_ _th_ _story to be something epic. And of course, an epic storyline just didn't come to me. So, I'm writing this story, and it'll probably only be a few chapters, but I don't want to count this as my 50_ _th_ _. Let's just call it 49-1/2 ok? No matter what FF says! Thanks! I hope you enjoy. Here we go…_

EOEOEOEO

Olivia was laughing as Elliot and Sam stumbled down the hallway towards her apartment in some misguided attempt to make sure she got home safely. She was definitely buzzed, but the two of them had been drinking for hours before she'd met up with them, and they were both definitely more than buzzed. When they'd left the bar, it had been her plan to pour the two of them into a cab and then grab one of her own. But there had been a lot of testosterone and posturing tonight, and she had finally given in. She knew that Elliot wouldn't drive, and that they could either walk the mile to his apartment or catch a taxi.

Both men had their arms wrapped around her waist, and she felt Elliot's fingers dig into her side when Sam stumbled slightly. She looked sharply at him, thinking maybe she had underestimated how drunk they really were, but then Elliot was hauling her back against him as Sam regained his footing. They were both still laughing but trying to muffle the noise they were making at this time of night. She had to shake her head and smile at them.

Elliot had talked about his friend Sam off and on over the years, and Olivia knew they'd been close when they were stationed overseas. If she believed half of what Elliot had told her, they'd been through some pretty dicey times, but had also had their share of fun when they could. Elliot hadn't seen Sam in years, and he'd been excited to tell Olivia about his pending visit to New York City and insisted that she meet him.

Olivia had told Elliot she didn't want to interfere with their reunion, but he had worn her down and she had agreed to one quick drink. Which had turned into an entire night of drinking. She had really enjoyed Sam. He was funny and easy-going and a bit of a smart ass, and she could see why he and Elliot were friends. He had to be about the same age, or maybe a little younger, and was almost the same build and size as Elliot. The difference was a head full of dark hair and piercing green eyes, and she could see his natural charm.

It had been fun to flirt, mostly because she knew there was nothing behind it, and even Elliot had joined in. She was seeing a whole other side of Elliot, and the joking and laughter were doing wonders to ease the stress of work and everything else in their lives.

One drink had become two, and then two had become three, and every time she tried to leave, they had talked her out of it. It hadn't been a hard sell. She hadn't laughed like this for a long time. She had stopped drinking after that, but Elliot and Sam didn't seem to notice. The only reason they had left was because the bar was closing.

And now, they were here, stumbling down her hallway and trying to muffle the sound of their laughter.

They finally reached her door, and she settled heavily against it as Sam and Elliot dropped their arms from her waist and leaned up against the doorway on either side of her. She still had her keys in her hands from when she opened up the lobby door, but she fumbled them as she tried to find the key to her place.

She ducked down to grab them, and Elliot crouched down at the same time, and his nose knocked into her cheek, knocking her slightly off-balance. Olivia reached out to steady herself but made the mistake of grabbing on to Elliot's arm, and they both tumbled to the floor. Olivia heard Elliot grunt as her elbow landed squarely on his chest, and he wrapped both hands around her biceps. Then a large laugh erupted from him, and Olivia couldn't help but laugh along with him. Then she heard Sam laugh, and she wondered if someone was calling the cops on them right now. Seconds later, Sam had wrapped an arm around her and was hauling her up, and she felt them almost go down as he struggled with his balance. If anyone was looking out their door right now, they would undoubtedly wonder what the hell was going on.

Elliot swiped her keys off the floor and handed them to Olivia, and she unlocked her door. As she swung the door open, they both started to follow her inside, but she turned and put up her hand with the palm facing them.

"Party's over." She said with a smile. Both men stopped and looked at her, and she didn't know if they had expected her to invite them in or what, but that wasn't going to happen. It had been a long day, and she was tired. "Time for you to go home and sleep it off." She dropped her hand to her hip. "Do you two think you can manage to get a taxi for yourselves?"

Elliot managed a grin and he slapped Sam on the shoulder. "Yeah. We're good." He snagged Sam by the arm and pulled him back slightly. "Night Liv."

Sam took a step backwards and gave her a big smile and a slight wave. "It was nice meeting you." He said, and then stuck out his hand. It seemed an awkward gesture for someone she had spent an entire evening with, and she took a step forward and gave him a quick hug.

"I had a lot of fun." She glanced over at Elliot, and saw he was watching her, and she debated about giving him a hug as well, but that wasn't something she did, so she stepped back instead. A couple of awkward seconds passed, and then Elliot slapped Sam on the shoulder again, and they turned and headed back down the hallway. Olivia watched them for a few moments and saw Elliot glance back at her once before they headed down the stairs. She found herself wanting to tell him to text her when he got home but knew he wouldn't. So, she would just text him in a half hour to make certain he was home. Olivia closed the door and headed towards the kitchen. She needed to drink some water and take some ibuprofen before she went to bed.

Olivia downed a full glass of water and turned on the light over the sink. She turned off the overhead light and pulled her sweater over her head as she walked towards her bedroom. She tossed her sweater on her bed, and started to unbuckle her jeans, when she heard a knock on her front door. She let out a small groan, wondering if Elliot and Sam hadn't been able to get a cab. She snagged her sweater off her bed, and headed back towards the door, holding it up to her chest as she peered through the peephole. She saw Sam standing in front of the door, and she opened it quickly.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, noting that Elliot wasn't with him. "Where's Elliot?"

Sam propped one arm up on the doorframe. "I put him in a cab and sent him home."

"Uh…aren't you staying with him?"

"Nah. I've got a hotel."

"Oh. OK." She wasn't quite sure why he was standing in her doorway then. "Well…"

"Can I come in?"

Olivia started to object, but Sam didn't wait for an invitation. She was forced to step backwards as he walked by her, and she let the door close behind her as she watched him walk into her kitchen.

"It's late." She said as she followed him.

Sam leaned against the counter and broke into a grin. "It's not that late."

"You couldn't find another cab?" She leaned against the counter opposite him, still clutching her sweater against her. She wished she had taken the time to put it on before answering the door because her tank top didn't do much to cover her. "I can call…"

"I don't want a cab." Sam cocked his head slightly, and let his eyes run up and down her body. Olivia was slightly taken aback by it, and she wondered just how drunk he really was. Then, before she could even comprehend what was happening, Sam had closed the gap between them and ran his fingers along her jawline until he was tangling his fingers in her hair.

"What do you think you're doing?" Olivia asked harshly as she shrank back, feeling the ridge of the counter in her lower back.

"C'mon. The way you were flirting with me in the bar…" He motioned towards the door. "The way you hugged me…"

Olivia felt his left hand settle on her hip and the intent in his eye was clear. She placed a hand on his chest and tried to push him away, but she was at a bad angle and couldn't get any leverage. "We were just goofing around…having a good time."

"I _was_ having a good time." He said, grinning down at her. "And now we can have a good time, just you and me."

Olivia heard the innuendo in his voice, and she was thrown. This was Elliot's _friend_. Someone he trusted, and she couldn't reconcile what was happening right now with the man she'd gotten to know tonight. Surely, he had to know that she wouldn't sleep with a friend of Elliot's, and she had to handle this tactfully. She pushed against his chest ineffectually again as he smiled down at her. "I'm sorry that you misunderstood…"

Sam furrowed his brows, tugged the sweater from her hand, and closed the gap between their bodies, pinning her tightly against the counter. He looked back and forth between her eyes. "C'mon. If you're worried about Elliot, we don't have to tell him. But he said the two of you weren't sleeping together so…" He leaned in then and tried to kiss her, but Olivia turned her head and his lips brushed her cheek.

"Playing hard to get?"

Olivia heard the teasing tone in his voice, and her anger spiked. Friend or not, she wasn't going to put up with his expectations and manhandling. "Get _off_ me." Now that she wasn't clinging to her sweater, she used both of her hands to push him away from her.

Sam stumbled back a few steps and she saw a surprised look on his face. "What is your problem?"

"What's _my_ problem?" Olivia asked incredulously.

"Yeah." He said.

Olivia could see the change in his demeanor as he narrowed his eyes in confusion and anger. Before she could move, he had closed the space between them, circled his hands around her wrists and pinned them against the counter. He pressed his body against hers, leaning down and grasping her lips with his.

Olivia grunted with exertion and tried to turn her head, but he held her mouth firmly with his. She was no match for his strength, and it made her even angrier. She closed her eyes and relaxed into the kiss, pushing her hips against his. Sam shifted his stance slightly, and released one of her wrists, sliding a hand over her breast and squeezing lightly. Olivia bit back her anger, and slid one knee in between his, rubbing her foot along his lower leg. He moaned his appreciation, and she felt his hold on her loosen at her acquiescence. Olivia didn't waste another second. She brought her knee up quickly, hitting her intended target, and Sam released her as he yelled out in pain.

"Fuck!" He grabbed his groin as he backed away from her and doubled over.

Olivia wanted to smack the shit out of him as her anger at him and the situation boiled over. She was breathing heavily, and both hands formed into fists as she watched him try to recover. He was grunting in pain and continued to let loose a string of curse words, and she watched, seething in anger. A few minutes passed, and she could see he was getting over the worse of it.

"You need to get the hell out of my house." Olivia said vehemently. She edged past him and made her way to the door, wrapping her hand around the knob to open it, so there was no question about her intent.

"Olivia."

She turned when she heard him grunt out her name. "You didn't need to do that." He moaned, straightening up slightly as he took a step towards her.

"Get out." Olivia repeated herself as she opened the door. She had no interest in hearing anything he had to say.

"This was just a misunderstanding." Sam said, standing taller as he neared her.

Olivia shook her head. "I told you to stop…"

Sam interrupted her as he took a step closer. He held out his hands. "I thought…" He shook his head. "I…"

Olivia couldn't tell if he was genuinely remorseful or if it was the remorse of someone that had been caught, but she couldn't sort through her emotions right now. She was too angry…to charged with adrenaline. She just wanted him gone. "Just leave."

Sam looked at her one last time and opened his mouth to say something. He must have changed his mind because he ducked his head and headed out the door without a word.

Olivia slammed the door and locked it quickly, settling back against it. She realized that she was shaking, and even though she hadn't really felt in any great danger, the encounter had left her rattled.

Her mind was racing, and she knew when she woke up, just a few hours from now, she'd wonder if all of this had really happened.

She slid down to the floor and wrapped her arms around her bent knees.

She shouldn't have let him in.

But this was Elliot's _friend._ She hadn't had any reason not to trust him.

She tried to remember if she had done anything that would have made him think…

Olivia closed her eyes and closed off that line of thinking. She had done nothing to encourage him. And even if she had given him reason to think she may have been interested, the moment she told him no, he should have stopped. It didn't matter how much he'd had to drink. She had told him no. He had persisted and blatantly ignored her attempts to stop him.

She wondered if his natural charm usually worked on other women, or if he had forced himself on others, because behavior like that…this couldn't have been the first time.

Olivia heard her phone buzzing, and she knew it had to be Elliot.

 _Elliot._

The Elliot she knew wouldn't tolerate such behavior in a friend. So, maybe it had been a random occurrence…a one-time indiscretion.

Her phone buzzed again, and she scrambled up off the floor and walked shakily into the kitchen. She snatched it off the counter, and opened her messaging app.

 _Hey. Had fun. Got home. You OK?_

Olivia read Elliot's first message, wondering how he knew that she wanted him to check in, and how he knew that maybe things weren't OK.

A second message had followed just a minute after the first.

 _Prob asleep. Talk tom_

Olivia swallowed hard, wanting to reply…wanting to tell him exactly what had happened tonight.

But she knew she wouldn't.

If she told him…it would kill him. He and Sam were like brothers, and she didn't want to take that away from him.

She hit REPLY.

 _Everything's OK here. Night._

She hit SEND and set the phone back on the counter, knowing sleep wasn't going to come tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia heard a phone buzzing, but at first, she thought it was in a dream. Sleep has mercifully claimed her around 4, or at least, that was the last time she had looked at the clock. She had no idea what time it was now, but she was exhausted, and had no interest in finding out. So, whoever was texting or call her would have to wait.

The buzzing started again, the sound drilling into her brain, and she let out an exasperated grunt as she pushed herself up on her elbows and swiped at the phone. The first things she noted was that it was a little after 10, and the second thing was that the messages were from Elliot. The first surprised her. The second did not.

Olivia opened her messaging app, wondering why he was up so early on their day off, and what was so urgent that he had to send four goddamn text messages.

 _Hey Liv._

 _Are you up?_

 _Sam and I are going to grab some food and then to Mets game. You in?_

 _Liv?_

She realized that she must have slept through the first two messages, or just registered them in her subconscious, which was the reason for the two follow-up messages. Still, they were only minutes apart. The man had the patience of a gnat.

She hit REPLY. _Sleeping._ She hit send and tucked the phone underneath her pillow as she lay back down, knowing that wouldn't be the end of it. Sure enough, not a minute has passed when she felt her phone buzz again. She tried to resist looking at the message, but another buzz forced her hand and she slid the phone out from where it was hidden and looked at the messages.

 _Beautiful day. Get up. Both really want you to go_

 _I know exactly what you're going to say. I won't accept no for an answer._

The last part of that message threw her, and the events from early this morning came back in a rush. She tried to purge them from her mind; she didn't want to start her day that way. But it was like a movie reel, flashing through her mind, and she lay back down, rethinking over the events of the evening. In her mind, she knew she had done nothing wrong, but she started to question whether the amount of alcohol she'd had, along with her job, made her overreact to the situation. She mulled over every word, every action, looking for some kind of rational explanation, but she couldn't find one. She hadn't overreacted, and she wasn't giving Sam a pass.

But it didn't change her mind about keeping it to herself. She knew that in the light of day, if Sam had any decency at all, he would regret his actions. And right now, she had to believe that Sam was still a good person. She couldn't deal with having to break the news to Elliot that his good friend was abusive.

The thought of Elliot must have manifested itself across the city, because her phone started ringing. Olivia rolled over on her back and steeled herself for what was coming, because she knew Elliot wasn't going to let it rest until she agreed to meet them.

It didn't mean she had to make it easy.

"What?" She answered gruffly, her voice still hoarse from sleep.

"Are you up?"

Olivia sighed heavily. "No, I'm not up. I'm going back to sleep."

"C'mon Liv. We had a lot of fun last night. Hang out with us."

Sam's words came rushing back at her. _I was having a good time. And now we can have a good time, just you and me._

"Liv?"

Olivia realized Elliot must have said something that she missed. "What? What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything. You just weren't answering, so I thought maybe you had already fallen back asleep."

Olivia rolled her eyes to herself. The man had zero patience, especially when he was trying to convince her of something. "Listen. Sam is your friend. He's here in the city to see you. He doesn't want to hang around with me."

Now it was Olivia that was met with silence. She waited him out for a few more seconds, wondering if he was thinking up a new tactic to convince her or what, but when he didn't answer, she spoke up. "El?"

"Yeah. I guess I thought…well…Sam was such a big part of my life and you're a big part of my life…" Elliot hesitated then, and Olivia's heart skipped a beat, wondering what the hell he was trying to say, but in the next moment, he tried to cover it with an explanation. "I mean, you know…because we spend so much time together and we're close…I mean…you know…because of work…" Elliot stopped talking, as he must have realized he wasn't making any sense. He let out a sigh. "I just wanted the two of you to get to know each other too."

It was basically the same rationale he'd given her for getting together last night. Something about two important parts of his life, coming together. She let out a sigh, knowing she was ultimately going to give in.

"You know I'm not a baseball fan." Olivia said. She heard a chuckle from Elliot; he obviously knew she was going to cave as well.

"Yeah, but the baseball players are nice to look at." He said. "Besides, it's just a beautiful day to be outside."

Olivia glanced over at her window and saw the sun streaming in between the gaps in the blinds.

"I'll pick you up at 11:30." Elliot said.

"No." Olivia said hurriedly, and she didn't really know why. "I'll just meet you at the restaurant. Just text me the name of it."

"Fine." Elliot said. "See you then."

Olivia was about to hang up when she heard Elliot say her name again. "Yeah."

"Thanks."

Then he was gone.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot looked at his watch as he and Sam ordered a second round of beers.

Olivia was late and he wondered if she was going to stand them up. Then he saw her come into the bar, and she stopped and looked around, trying to spot them. He took that moment to take her in, surprised to see her in shorts and sandals, sporting a Mets t-shirt.

He remembered Sam's words when they had first spotted her the night before.

"Holy _shit_! _That's_ your partner? She's a _cop_?"

Sam had let his eyes wander down her frame and had told him he was a lucky son-of-a-bitch and asked if they'd slept together.

Elliot had rolled his eyes, telling him to knock it off…that she was a better cop than him…and that they were most definitely NOT sleeping together. And more importantly, he didn't bite when Sam asked if he'd ever thought about it.

Sam had thrown a couple more jabs his way and Elliot had laughed good-naturedly. Of course, he knew Olivia was a beautiful woman, but it was interesting to watch how other people reacted to her. But at the end of the day, she was his partner and his friend, and he hated to see her judged on her physical attributes.

Sam had given him a knowing smile, and Elliot knew he was planning on turning his natural charm on full force. But he wasn't worried. Olivia would never date a friend of his. At least, he hoped not.

Olivia spotted them and started walking towards them, and Elliot tried hard not to look at her legs. He had seen her in a dress before, but he didn't think he'd ever seen her in shorts. They weren't super short, but her legs were long, and he saw men in the bar eyeing her as she walked past him. It pissed him off, but he couldn't call them out on something he was doing himself. He just wasn't so obvious about it. Her wardrobe choice surprised him, because she didn't like to draw attention to herself, but it was hot out, and she would be too hot in jeans at the baseball stadium.

"Hey." Olivia said as she walked up. She flashed them a quick smile as Sam and Elliot welcomed her, and she looked around. "Why are we at a bar? I thought we were having lunch?"

"They have food here." Elliot said.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Bar food. Burgers."

"That's food." Elliot said with a straight face.

Olivia eyed his beer. "Hair of the dog?" She asked. She was studiously avoiding looking at Sam, and she noticed he was quiet as well.

"Nah." Elliot said, hoisting his mug. "I wasn't drunk last night."

"My neighbors might say otherwise." Olivia said.

Elliot waved and a waitress stopped at the table, and Olivia couldn't help but notice the way he boobs were pushed out of her shirt, the extra bounce in her step and the big smile pointed at Elliot and then at Sam. She wanted to roll her eyes and ask her if she knew Elliot was a father of four. Nonetheless, she ordered an iced tea and they all ordered food, and they started talking.

Olivia loosened up a little after a few minutes, when it was clear that Sam was in a more subdued mood today. He was polite and got a little more talkative but wasn't the flirt he'd been last night. He certainly didn't seem like the prick who had been in her apartment. Despite all that, she was more quiet than usual, and still focused a lot of her attention on Elliot.

Their food came and they were all trying to eat as quickly as possible. Olivia had been late, and they had to get going to the game pretty soon. It was going to be a hike out Citi Field in Queens, especially on a Saturday afternoon.

Conversation was reduced greatly while they ate, but Elliot watched Olivia and Sam. Something had been off since Olivia had joined them, and he was trying to put his finger on it. Sam had been his usual self, up to that point, and he wondered if Sam resented the fact that he'd invited Olivia along. He had asked him if it was okay, and Sam had agreed, but maybe he was just being polite. Maybe Olivia had been right, and Sam wanted a chance for the guys just to hang out.

He pondered that for a moment, and then realized it was more than that. Because Olivia wasn't herself either. He knew she was tired, and she really hadn't wanted to come but it seemed more than that.

He thought back to last night and replayed the evening in his mind. He remembered walking down her hallway…they were all laughing. Everything seemed fine when they left her.

He shook his head. It had to be his imagination. He drank down the last of his beer. "I'm going to the head before we go." He said, setting down his empty beer glass.

Olivia watched Elliot leave with a little trepidation. She had relaxed into the conversation when Elliot was there, but now that he was leaving, she felt a little uncomfortable. She avoided eye contact with Sam, unsure if she wanted him to say something or not.

"Olivia."

Olivia sighed. Now, she knew she hadn't wanted him to say anything. She had no choice but to look over at him. She pressed her lips together and raised an eyebrow, letting him know she was listening. She saw the small smile on his face, and she thought he looked a little uncomfortable, but it was hard to tell.

"Last night." He held out his hands. "I'm sorry, but I think there was some confusion…"

"Excuse me?"

"Last night. You were flirting and I was flirting, and I kind of thought you wanted me to come back to your place."

"Well, I didn't. We were just goofing around, and your one of Elliot's friends. I would never…" She didn't finish the sentence. He could fill in the blank.

"Yeah, but I didn't know that."

Olivia was trying to control her temper because she knew that Elliot would be back any moment. "You may have been confused, but it should have been crystal clear when I told you to stop."

"I wasn't sure…"

Olivia shook her head. "It's not a guessing game. I asked you to stop and you pinned my wrists and my body against the counter!" She realized she had raised her voice, and she lowered it again as she looked around. She leaned in slightly. "Let me be very clear. The only reason I didn't knee you harder and break your nose if because you're a friend of Elliot's. I hope to God this was one-time thing, because I'd hate to think that a friend of Elliot's is a systematic abuser of women and it would break his heart." She swallowed hard, trying to slow her heart rate down. "And just in case there is any question, I don't want to sleep with you."

The smile had faded from Sam's face and he looked properly remorseful. "Hey, I'm sorry. I guess I…" He didn't finish his sentence. "It's not a regular thing. I mean, I don't abuse women. Most women, they…" He shut his mouth as Olivia narrowed her eyes. "I just misread the situation." He reached out and placed a hand on her arm that was resting on the table.

Olivia reacted like she'd been bitten and pulled her arm back quickly.

"I'm sorry." Sam said. "Can we just forget that ever happened?"

Olivia wanted to let bygones be bygones, but she couldn't. "Trust is earned." She said. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Let's just get through the day and see how it goes."

Elliot had walked out of the bathroom and turned the corner in time to see Sam and Olivia in what looked like a heated discussion. It made him pause, and he looked at the body language between them. There were no smiles…they weren't joking around. This was something serious, and he wondered what could have come up in the short time he'd been gone.

He watched for a moment as they argued, and he saw Sam reach out and Olivia pull her arm back quickly. Olivia had darted looks in his direction a few times, but she hadn't seen him. It was clear that whatever they were talking about was something they didn't want him to hear. He thought about the flirting last night, the innuendo, and the strange interactions today, and an almost downright refusal to look at each other.

As if one look would give something away.

A secret.

Something between just the two of them.

Elliot staggered back a step as a realization washed over him.

They had slept together.

Elliot remembered Sam's refusal to share a cab. Sam's face as he said goodbye and slammed the door. He had assumed that Sam had caught a separate cab.

But what if he had gone back upstairs and Olivia had let him in?

He had an image of Olivia opening the door, a big smile on her face. Olivia kissing Sam. Sam touching her…taking off her clothes.

He found that his hands had formed into fists, and even though he would categorize his feelings as anger…in his gut…in a place he wouldn't acknowledge…he knew it was jealousy.

Olivia was _his_.

In that moment, he was consumed with it, and he wanted to punch something. _Anything._

He took a step back, trying to rein himself in. He had no claim to Olivia. And while he would assume that Sam wouldn't go after Olivia, he knew that he hadn't been forthcoming with his feelings about Olivia to Sam. He had no way of knowing. He was a man for Chrissakes. It was only natural to want a woman like Olivia.

Elliot scrubbed his hands over his face, kicking himself for insisting Olivia join them last night. And today.

There was nothing he could do about it now.

The only thing he could do was keep Olivia close. He might not be able to stop them. They were two grown adults.

But he didn't have to make it easy.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I know I can't keep apologizing for the delays, but I truly am sorry. I hate long delays when I'm waiting for an update! I'll try to do better. Thanks for reading!

EOEOEOEO

Olivia had snagged Elliot's truck keys out of his head as they had headed towards his Jeep. Elliot wasn't drunk, but she hadn't had anything to drink, so she was the safer bet. Now, she was listening as Elliot, half turned in the passenger seat, and Sam, discussed the merits of various members of the Mets. Elliot had tried to engage her in the beginning, but she couldn't name one member of the team and told him so, so she focused his attention on Sam.

Traffic was a mess heading out of Manhattan, and Olivia focused on the road and tuned both men out. She thought about Sam's apology, and pondered the look she had seen on Elliot's face as he had walked back from the bathroom in the bar. His demeanor had changed…almost as if he was angry with her…or with Sam. She wondered if he had seen Sam and her arguing, or if somehow, he knew that something had happened between the two of them.

She hoped not…but maybe she wasn't as good at hiding her feelings as she thought she was. Which didn't make any sense, because she thought she'd done a damn good job over the past several years. She should get an Oscar for her performance.

Olivia let out a heavy sigh, and Elliot stopped talking.

"What?" He asked, swiveling to look at the road ahead.

Olivia glanced over at him and then back at the road. "Nothing."

"Are we boring you?" He asked, chuckling slightly.

"Not at all." Olivia said quickly. "Get it out of your system."

Elliot twisted in his seat again and resumed his discussion with Sam. Olivia realized that there was no evidence of whatever had been bothering him earlier. He was talking with Sam normally now. Hopefully it would stay that way. But she knew she had a role to play here. If they were going to make it through this afternoon, she was going to have to do a better job of keeping her emotions and her body language in check.

Elliot couldn't find out about the events of last night.

She just had to make it through the afternoon, and then she could escape to her apartment.

Sam would leave town and take their secret with him.

Elliot would never know, and she would never have to see Sam again.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot looked over at Olivia, who was seated on his left, and saw she had her face tilted up towards the sun with her eyes closed. "You're not even watching the game."

"I don't like baseball." She said, never even opening her eyes.

Elliot was about to ask her why the hell she'd bothered to come, but then he remembered that he had pushed her into coming with them. He glanced down at her…noticing the fit of her t-shirt and how her shorts rode up, highlighting the length and tone of her legs as she propped her feet on the back of the empty seat in front of her. His eyes roamed back up her body, until he reached her face again, and he felt like a shit because now her eyes were open. She didn't say anything…just cocked an eyebrow at him…and he glanced over at Sam.

Thankfully, Sam was engrossed in the game. Which meant he wasn't watching Olivia, and he hadn't caught Elliot staring at her. Elliot had made certain that he sat between the two of them, but now he was questioning what he thought he knew. There had been little to no interaction between them since they'd arrived, and he wondered if they were purposefully trying to be lowkey for his benefit, or if he'd really made a bad assumption. A part of him was dying to know, but the other part of him did not.

"I'm going to hit the head and get another beer." Elliot said, elbowing Sam to get his attention. "Come with me."

Sam laughed and shook his head and made a snide comment about Elliot needing companionship to go to the bathroom. "I'm fine right here."

Elliot looked over at Olivia, but she was ignoring both of them as she checked her phone, so he knew she wasn't going to walk up with him. He debated about leaving them alone together, but then he realized it may be a good test. "OK then." He stood up. "Liv, you want anything?"

Olivia shook her head, never looking up from her phone, and Elliot sighed. He had really wanted this to be a fun afternoon, and now it felt so disjointed. He was annoyed by all of it, and he let out a sigh as he headed off in search of the bathrooms and a beer.

Olivia lifted her head as Elliot huffed off, realizing he was annoyed. He had been pointed in sitting between them; she assumed he was trying to be sensitive to the situation and wanted to create space for them. She felt a little bad because she knew he didn't understand why there was tension between her and Sam, and why she didn't really want to be here, but it wasn't her fault. Still, she had resolved to try a little harder to keep him from being suspicious, and she knew she really hadn't kept up her promise to herself to do so.

No sooner had the thought entered her mind, when she saw Sam get up from his seat and plop down next to her in Elliot's seat.

"Hey." Sam cocked his head slightly. "Do you really hate baseball that much or do you hate _me_ that much?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow as she looked over at him, wondering about the genesis of the question. Sam had obviously picked up on Elliot's annoyance too. She thought about Sam's statement. She knew there had to be a lot of good in the man because he had Elliot's gratitude and trust. She had heard the banter and the stories and knew that the two of them had been through some tough situations together. Sam had covered Elliot's back, much like she did now, and vice versa. "I don't hate you." Olivia said. "I just hate your poor judgment and your aggressive behavior."

Sam nodded. "I know. And I apologized."

Olivia pressed her lips together. An apology was nice, but it wasn't a pass, and she was tired of men thinking they could do whatever they wanted as long as they apologized. Even if it was sincere. But now wasn't the time or place to have that type of discussion. "And that makes it ok?"

"I didn't say that. I'm just saying…"

Olivia tensed. It had only been a few hours since they'd had this conversation and she didn't feel the need to repeat it. "Listen…we just have to get through this afternoon and then we never have to see each other again."

"But that's what I'm saying. I don't want to end things." Sam said, using air quotes when he said _end things._

Olivia furrowed her brows and looked at him quizzically. "You can't possibly think that you and I are going to be friends."

"Well, actually…"

Olivia saw the sheepish expression on his face and saw his eyes drop down before he locked in on hers again. "I hope you're not thinking what I think you are."

"Listen…" Sam started. "We had a lot of fun when we were out, and I made a bad decision, but I'd like to prove to you that I'm not a bad guy. You said trust is earned. So, you have to give me a chance to show you what a great guy I am."

Olivia couldn't believe the cojones on this guy, nor the big grin and puppy dog eyes he was throwing her way. He obviously thought his natural charm would work on her, but he didn't know she was immune. What Sam didn't know is that it took a long time to earn her trust once violated, and that she had absolutely no interest in even trying. Not even for Elliot's sake. She was trying to be civil, but he had pushed her too far. "I can't believe you." Olivia stood up abruptly, forcing Sam to sit back quickly. "You're delusional."

Olivia brushed past Sam, but then felt his hand on her arm.

"Hey…c'mon. You're really going to hold a grudge?"

Olivia looked down at him and then at his hand on her arm, and then back at him. If looks could kill, he'd be a dead man right now. To his credit, he dropped his hand quickly, so she knew he wasn't a complete idiot. Still, he didn't seem to get it. Olivia leaned in slightly, adopting her most intimidating expression and tone of voice. "If you EVER touch me again… _ever…"_ She emphasized _._ "You'll be drinking from a straw and crying over your lost manhood." She made a move towards his crotch with her hand and Sam visibly flinched, and his reaction almost made her smile. It meant he believed her, and he should.

Olivia stood up. "Are we clear?"

Sam looked defeated and he nodded grudgingly.

Olivia started to turn away and then she turned back to him. She took a deep breath. "I wish things hadn't worked out this way. I really do." She meant it. "But you're the one that fucked things up." She saw Sam wasn't going to argue. "Like I told you before, this is between you and me…so Elliot doesn't have to know. But after this game…" She left her sentence unfinished, as Sam put up his hands in a defensive gesture.

"Message received."

Olivia nodded, and headed towards the stairs.

Elliot stood at the top of the stairs, watching the interaction between Olivia and Sam. He had noticed right away that Sam has taken his seat, and it irked him. He had almost started down the stairs, when he saw Olivia get up. Then Sam grabbed her arm, and Olivia stopped. Then…she was leaning over Sam, her hair falling over her face, and she was talking. But he couldn't see or hear what was going on…just that her face was dangerously close to Sam's. If she kissed him, he was going to die. Then he saw her hand move towards his junk, and he did a double-take. The Olivia he knew wasn't one for public displays of affection, and she was going to touch him right here? In the middle of the stadium? But then she stood up, and he sighed, relieved that she hadn't kissed him or touched him. She didn't look happy but then her expression softened, and she was saying something to him, and he was nodding, and Elliot knew he'd give anything in that moment to know what they were discussing. A possible tryst later on? We're they talking about how to get rid of him, the 3rd wheel, so they could hook up again? He bit down hard, feeling the muscles in his jaw twitching as he tried to keep his anger in check.

Then he realized that Olivia was walking up the stairs, and it would be moments before she spotted him. He took a few steps back quickly, so he was out of sight, and then turned and walked a few more steps into the promenade. He turned just in time to see her reach the top, and then she was walking in his general direction. A few seconds later she spotted him and gave him a half-hearted smile.

"Is this game almost over?" She asked as she stopped in front of him.

"Got hot plans?" Elliot asked, before he could stop himself.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "No plans. It's just…you know I'm not the biggest fan."

"As you've said. Numerous times." He heard the gruffness in his voice, and he saw Olivia react to it as well. "Yeah…there's just a couple of innings left." Frankly, he'd lost all interest in the game. He had been so excited for today, and now it was just painful. "But we can leave if you want."

Olivia shook her head. "It's fine. I'm just going to use the bathroom and get some water. I'll meet you back inside."

Olivia took off before Elliot could even say anything, and he watched her walk away from him. He couldn't help himself, as he watched the way she moved as she walked away. That ass…those legs. She was working those shorts without even trying. He couldn't help but notice she had captured the eyes of a few other admirers as well, and he knew he shouldn't be surprised or jealous. He'd fallen for a beautiful woman; he had to pay the price.

EOEOEOEOEO

The ride back into the city was relatively quiet, but as they drew closer, Elliot asked Olivia and Sam about plans for the evening, offering up dinner and drinks at his apartment. Olivia begged off first, stating she was tired and just wanted to be home after a long night the night before, followed by a long day.

"Looks like it's just the boys." Olivia said.

Elliot was surprised by her comment, because he'd expected Sam to bail on him right away as well. Those two were acting too oddly, and he knew they had plans to meet up.

"Nah. I'm tired too." Sam said. "Maybe we could meet up tomorrow Elliot."

There it was.

 _Confirmation._

They were definitely hooking up, and he knew he had no right to be angry, but he was seeing red. He didn't even respond, and he saw Olivia glancing at him from the passenger seat. He choked out a response, but he kept it brief because he knew both of them would pick up on the tone of his voice. Olivia was already picking up on his body language.

She reached out and put a hand lightly on his arm. "Are you OK?" She asked. "Maybe I should have driven."

Elliot shook his head. Did she really think he was drunk? Didn't she know he could see right through their pathetic act? "It's fine." He said through clenched teeth. He offered up the excuse of traffic and knuckle-head drivers and he saw Olivia relax beside him.

She thought her secret was safe.

But he knew.

He knew.


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia woke from where she had collapsed on the couch. She had just intended to close her eyes for a few minutes…or maybe take a short nap. But she knew, by the way the shadows slanted across the room, she must have slept for hours. She stretched her body and tried to clear the fog from her sleep-addled brain, pushing herself up until she was sitting on the edge of the couch.

Olivia scrubbed her hands over her face and considered climbing into bed and sleeping until morning. But her stomach was rumbling slightly, and she needed a shower, so bed would have to wait for a bit. But she was definitely going to be in bed early.

The exciting life of a single woman in New York…

Olivia pushed herself off the couch and padded into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator door and pondered the contents.

Looks like she'd be ordering in…

Olivia headed for her bedroom, pulling her t-shirt over her head as she crossed over towards her bed. She tossed it on the floor, and then stripped off the rest of her clothing. She walked into the bathroom and started the water, brushing her teeth while the water warmed up. She let out a heavy sign as she stepped inside, and the warm water sluiced down her body. She braced her hands against the wall, and closed her eyes, trying to let everything that had happened in the past 24 hours disappear down the drain.

She breathed in slowly, and let it out just as slowly, but it wasn't working.

She knew she wouldn't feel better until Sam left town, and things with Elliot returned to normal. She didn't know why this secret weighed so heavily on her, when she'd made an artform of keeping secrets all these years.

Olivia let her head drop back, letting the hot water stream down her face, while she attempted to push unbidden thoughts of Elliot out of her mind. When the water started to cool, she lathered her hair and her body, and turned off the water. As soon as she had dried her skin and towel-dried her hair, she slipped her robe back on her body. She was smoothing lotion on to her legs when she heard a knock at the door. She paused, listening to see if it repeated.

An image of Sam standing outside her door, just as he had the night before, popped into her mind, and she felt herself tense immediately. Her rationale mind knew there was no way for him to get into the building, yet she knew he could have easily snuck in as another tenant went in or out. People weren't exactly good about keeping strangers out.

Olivia heard another round of knocking, and she walked as quietly as possible towards her door. She knew she was being ridiculous. Her door was locked. She didn't have to let him in. Still…maybe he would think she wasn't home, and he'd just leave.

When she reached the door, she pressed one palm against the wood and leaned in to look through the peephole. She took a quick step back when she saw it was Elliot at her door.

Olivia stood there for a moment, wondering what the hell he was doing there. She had made it clear that she was tired and that she didn't want to go out, which he should have understood to mean that she didn't want any company. She leaned in and looked through the peephole again, trying to gauge if he was alone. But he was standing close to the door, and the fisheye view didn't let her see anything else.

"Liv! I know you're home."

Olivia knew from the tone of his voice that he wasn't going to leave. She removed the safety chain, turned the deadbolt, and clutched the top of her robe closed as she opened the door. "Elliot. What are you doing here?"

Elliot lifted up a paper bag he held in his right hand. "I thought you might want some dinner."

Olivia shook her head slightly. "I'm not really hungry…I just woke up…" She furrowed her brows again. "I told you I was just going to crash…"

Elliot looked past her, but he couldn't really see into the apartment. His eyes darted back to Olivia, and he took in her wet hair and her robe. "Am I interrupting something?"

"What?" Olivia was puzzled by his question and she shook her head again. "No."

"Can I come in?"

"El…really? I just took a shower…" Olivia couldn't even finish her sentence before he interrupted her.

"I went all the way to your favorite deli, and then came all the way over here." He knew he was pushing it, but there was no reason to keep him from coming in, unless she had something to hide.

"That's like, ten blocks." Olivia said matter-of-factly. She was really tired, and she just wanted to put her pajamas on and crawl into bed.

"Still…" Elliot took a step closer, forcing Olivia to take a step back, and he knew then that she was going to let him in. "C'mon." Just as he'd hoped, Olivia let out a resigned sigh, and took a step back, making room for him to come into the apartment.

Olivia ushered him into the kitchen as soon as the door closed behind him. She felt uncomfortable standing in her robe, and she needed to get some clothes on. "I'll be right back."

Elliot watched her go, trying to keep his mind from wandering…knowing that she wasn't wearing anything beneath that thin robe. He heard the bedroom door close behind her and he took a quick survey of her apartment. He didn't see any shoes by the door or any of the other telltale signs that someone was there in the apartment, but that didn't mean anything. He debated getting closer to her bedroom door to see if he could hear any muffled voices…but he realized he was being ridiculous.

Then a new thought slammed into him. Maybe Olivia had been taking a shower in _anticipation_ of Sam coming over. Maybe she hadn't wanted him to come in because she was expecting Sam later tonight.

Elliot stood poised in the foyer…mulling over his thoughts, when he heard Olivia's bedroom door opening. He rushed back into the kitchen and started unpacking the sandwiches and salad from the deli. He'd barely gotten them out of the bag when she rounded the corner. Elliot glanced up, seeing she had donned some black leggings and an oversized sweater. With how quickly she had changed, he wondered if she'd even taken time to put anything on underneath.

Then he chastised himself for even thinking about that. He added it to the growing list of untoward thoughts that he'd have to confess to in church tomorrow.

Olivia really hadn't wanted company, but she had to admit she was hungry. And now that she saw the sandwiches on the counter, her stomach grumbled. Elliot must have heard it because he grinned down at her, but he didn't say anything.

Olivia grabbed a couple of plates and Elliot unwrapped everything. She opened the refrigerator. "I have water or wine. No beer."

"Water."

They both moved into her living room and Olivia took one of the oversized chairs. Elliot grabbed a spot on the couch, and they ate in silence for a few minutes. Elliot wanted to ask her about Sam, but he knew he didn't have any right to interfere in her love life…or did he?

No.

Well…maybe. Sam was his friend, and Olivia was his…his…

Just…his.

Elliot swallowed hard and let out a sigh.

Olivia could tell that Elliot had something on his mind. He was fidgeting, she heard sigh after sigh, and there just seemed to be a general sense of unease about him. She wanted to ask him, but then again, she didn't. She was still afraid that any questions would open up a discussion about Sam, and she didn't want that. She picked up her phone to check the time, looking for a distraction, wondering how long he was going to stay.

"Expecting a call?" Elliot asked.

"Just checking the time." Olivia said, setting her phone back on the coffee table.

"Hmmpph." Elliot commented, taking the last bite of his sandwich.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." Elliot said. He waited another beat, and then decided he could probe a little without giving himself away. "I just thought…you know…that maybe you had a date tonight."

"If I had a date tonight, I would have told you."

"Because you always tell me when you're going out with someone?" Elliot couldn't think of the last time Olivia had shared that kind of information with him. It had been a long time.

"It's not like we tell each other every single thing going on in our lives." Olivia retorted.

"We used to." Elliot said.

Olivia shrugged her shoulders. She didn't know if that was true, but there had been a time when they'd been more open with each other for sure. "I wouldn't say we told each other _everything_."

"So, your keeping secrets from me?"

Olivia was getting exasperated. "I didn't say that, but you don't know every little thing about me." She leaned in slightly and set her plate down on the table. "What secrets do you think I'm keeping from you?"

Now it was Elliot's turn to shrug. "I don't know. That's the point." He saw her roll her eyes. "Maybe you don't tell me certain things because you think I won't approve."

"I have news for you El. I don't need your approval."

"What about when that jackass from homicide asked you out? I saved you from making a mistake there."

Olivia had known he would bring that up. "Even if I had gone out with him, I think I could have handled myself."

"Yeah, but that wouldn't have kept him from spreading false rumors about you. You've heard the things he's said about other women…"

Olivia put up a hand. "We don't need to rehash that." She let out a sigh as she dropped her hands. "We will just agree that you saved the day. Your intervention was much appreciated. Happy now?"

Elliot heard the sarcasm in her voice, and it made him a little angry. "Seriously?"

Olivia could tell he was a little pissed off, and she didn't want to get into it with him right now. "El, I always appreciate it when you watch out for me. OK?" Honestly, she didn't even know how they got on this topic. She let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't even know why we're talking about this. I don't have a date tonight. If I did, I would tell you…and would kick you out so I could get ready." She was about to tell him that she didn't keep any secrets but didn't want to push her luck with a lie.

Elliot leaned back on the couch as he realized he had to change tactics if he was going to get the information he wanted. "I'm glad you got to spend some time with Sam. We've been friends for a long time, and I wanted you to get to know him."

Olivia nodded non-commitally, pressing her lips together. She tried to keep her expression neutral.

Elliot leaned forward again. "I really had hoped that the two of you would hit it off. I wanted you to like him." He knew he sounded kind of idiotic, but it didn't keep him from pressing her. "You like him, right?"

Olivia could tell Elliot was fishing, but she wasn't sure of his angle. She couldn't say she was happy they'd be introduced or that she liked him, so she went on the offensive instead. "Sure." She said. "I'm not sure what you want me to say."

"You seemed to be having fun last night." Elliot said. "The two of you were flirting…"

"We were _all_ goofing around." Olivia corrected. Elliot had been flirting with her too, and she'd given it right back at him. "And you wanted us to get to know each other."

"Yeah, but Sam can be charming, and it just seemed like…" Elliot shrugged. "Maybe there was something there." He couldn't believe he'd said that out loud.

"Are you asking me if I'm interested in Sam?" Olivia asked incredulously. Even before Sam had shown up at her door, she had never even considered dating him. She didn't even give Elliot time to respond. "I would never even consider dating a friend of yours." She couldn't believe he would even think that.

"I didn't say you were interested in _dating_ him."

"Then what…" Olivia's voice trailed off as the meaning behind Elliot's words slammed into her. "Wait. You think I _slept_ with him?" She was trying to wrap her head around his accusation. It pissed her off because he had no idea what had happened, and now he was accusing her of sneaking off for some kind of secret tryst.

"I didn't say that." Adopting an air of innocence. "But interesting that it's what you think I meant."

"You're trying to tell me that's not what you're insinuating?" She didn't buy his act. She was sitting straight up in her chair right now, and the volume of her voice was increasing now as her anger spiked.

Elliot was getting angry himself by her continued denial and the tone of her voice…as if his accusation was unfounded. "I'm just saying that there's something going on between the two of you. And it's not like you're a stranger to one-night stands."

Olivia knew she had a history that she couldn't deny, going all the way back to a misstep with Cassidy when she and Elliot were first partners. But for him to stand there and make he feel like her sexual history was something to be ashamed of was going too far. She never would have expected that from him, and she was struck speechless.

Elliot realized his jealousy had made him take things too far, and he immediately regretted what he'd said. "Liv…"

Olivia stood up. "I need you to leave right now." She said vehemently. She was shaking with anger, and her hands curled into fists at her side.

"I didn't mean what I said." Elliot said, trying to apologize as he stood up. He knew he only had minutes before she forced him out…and he knew he deserved it. "I just…the idea of you and Sam…it's killing me." His admission surprised him, and he saw Olivia was slightly taken aback by it as well.

She had taken his comment as some kind of confession, but then she realized she was painting it with her own feelings about Elliot, and she reexamined it for what it was. "My sex life is none of your goddamned business." She said through gritted teeth. "But I told you before…I would never, ever think about having any kind of relationship with a friend of yours, so you can stop worrying about it." She was barely controlling her anger at this point.

"I saw the two of you…" Elliot started, unable to stop himself.

"I don't know what you think you saw, but leave it alone El." Olivia said, her voice harboring a warning. "You have no idea what you're talking about. Believe me."

Elliot heard the warning in her voice, but he was frantically running through the exchanges he'd seen between her and Sam…reexamining what he thought he knew…and he couldn't get the certainty of what he'd seen out of his mind. "But I saw you two together."

"What did you _see_?" Olivia challenged, unsure of exactly what he'd witnessed. She shook her head quickly because she didn't want to open up this line of questioning. "Never mind. I'm telling you, you saw nothing." She started moving away from him. "You need to go."

Elliot could see she had gone from being angry to being upset and he knew he must be wrong, but her lack of explanation was confusing him. He reached out and snagged her arm. "Wait." He saw the expression on her face as she turned back to face him…and she was definitely upset. He dropped his hand, fearful she would insist again that he leave, but she stood there, just looking at him. He could see her eyes were slightly glassy and now he was nonplussed. Olivia didn't cry. "Talk to me."

Olivia couldn't speak for fear she'd break down. She had underestimated how much the incident with Sam had shaken her…or maybe it was keeping it from Elliot. Or maybe it was both. But she really needed Elliot to leave because if he kept pushing her, she didn't trust herself not to tell him what had happened.

Elliot saw her shaking her head slightly as she pressed her lips together, and he knew that whatever she was trying so hard not to tell him was on the tip of her tongue.

"Liv…I'm sorry. I thought…" Now he was getting really upset himself. "Please…talk to me."

Olivia swallowed hard. She couldn't tell him. She didn't want to come between he and Sam. Sam would be gone tomorrow, and it would be over. Elliot would forget about it. "It's nothing." She choked out, her voice barely more than a whisper. "A disagreement. Nothing more."

Elliot wasn't buying it, but he was still confused. He didn't know if she was upset because of an argument between her and Sam, and she was minimizing it. Or if she was upset because of the way he had marched over here and attacked her…accused her. "Olivia." He pleaded.

"Go home El." Olivia said, biting down to keep the tears at bay. Then she turned and walked to the door, opening it up, her eyes focused on the floor.

Elliot knew she wasn't going to talk to him, and he felt like an absolute asshole.

Olivia felt him hesitate at the door, but she didn't look up at him. She couldn't. The last thing she heard was his whispered apology, and then he was gone.

 _AN: Argh! Did you think she'd tell him? I did too! But that's not the way it came out! More to come…_


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Thanks for reading and thanks for your reviews! Keep them coming!

EOEOEOEO

Elliot stood in the lobby of Olivia's apartment building, pacing back and forth as he replayed the events of the past twenty-four hours in his mind. He was so confused…about what he had seen…about his assumptions…about the conversation with Olivia…about her obvious distress. He realized he had more questions than answers, which left him feeling unsettled, and he didn't know the best avenue to take to get the information he needed.

He would love to go back to Olivia's apartment, and keep pushing until he wore her down. But right now, he didn't know exactly why she was angry with him, and he knew if he pushed her too far, she would snap and lash out. He couldn't believe he'd been such an asshole, basically accusing her of sleeping around and of putting sex above friendship.

He really was a prick sometimes.

Especially since she didn't know that it was jealousy that sparked his comments.

He didn't know how much irreparable damage he had done tonight, but he knew that he couldn't go back to her apartment.

Not tonight.

Although…was she waiting for him to come back upstairs? Apologize again and beg forgiveness?

He considered her demeanor when he'd left the apartment. The way the normally defiant woman he knew avoided eye contact instead of glaring at him as she ordered him out of her apartment.

He stopped pacing and scrubbed his hands back and forth over his head.

He knew that whatever answers he needed weren't going to come from Olivia. That left one other option.

He had to talk to Sam.

Getting him to cough up the information wouldn't be easy though. Sam wouldn't cop to sleeping with her…or kissing her…or whatever had happened between them…right away. He was going to have to trick him into telling him, and he let out a frustrated groan. He was a skilled interrogator for Christ's sake. This should be a piece of cake.

But when it came to Olivia, all bets were off. He was too emotionally invested, and he couldn't be objective when it came to anything that involved her.

Elliot pushed his way out the door of the building and headed to his truck. He had twenty minutes to figure out how he was going to approach Sam, and to learn how to control his emotions.

Piece of cake.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot sat in his truck, a block down from the hotel, with his hands wrapped tightly around the steering wheel. If anyone walked by, they would think he was crazy as he sat there talking to himself and pounding on the steering wheel. Thankfully, dusk was starting to settle on the summer night, and it was NYC, so people were used to crazy.

Elliot realized he was getting himself all worked up when he didn't even know if Sam was at the hotel. He could have gone out.

He could have gone to Olivia's.

Elliot slammed his hands against the steering wheel again, pushing the ridiculous thought from his mind. Olivia had said there was nothing sexual going on between them and he needed to believe her.

Well…she hadn't said that _exactly._

Elliot got out of the truck quickly, nearly getting clipped by a passing cab in the process. He earned a long honk and heard a few choice swear words coming through the open window of the cab as he slammed his door quickly. He took a deep breath, looked out at traffic and pushed his door open again.

He had to get his head together.

Elliot took a deep breath as he waited for traffic to clear enough for him to run across the street and then made his way towards the hotel. When he reached the lobby, he looked at the young woman working at the counter. She was preoccupied with helping another guest, and he took the opportunity to look around. There was a small shop to the right, and a restaurant/bar to the left.

Elliot looked at his watch, and saw it was a little after 9PM. He could really use a beer because the drive over did nothing to settle him, so he headed towards the bar. He had just walked in, when he spotted Sam.

He should have known.

He stopped, watching his friend. From this vantage point, Sam couldn't see him. He wouldn't have seen him anyway, because all of his attention was focused on a shapely brunette standing next to him. Elliot couldn't see her face, but he knew the type. Tight jeans, slinky shirt. No doubt she was showing a lot of cleavage, and as he watched, Sam leaned in and whispered something to the her.

Elliot narrowed his eyes, wondering about his friend. He'd always been charming…always had his luck with woman…but now it came off as cheap. Elliot wondered if something in Sam had changed, if it was something in him that had changed, or if he was irritated by his behavior on Olivia's behalf.

Elliot stood indecisively, not wanting to interrupt and have this conversation here, but knowing he wouldn't sleep tonight if he didn't get this resolved. But then the decision was made for him, as Sam looked up and saw him standing there.

"Elliot!"

Sam raised a hand in the air and motioned him over, and Elliot gave him a quick smile before heading in his direction. When he reached the pair, he saw the woman was quite a bit younger than them, and she was indeed wearing a very low cute shirt. She was pretty, with her green eyes and red-stained lips, but nothing compared to Olivia.

He knew the comparison wasn't fair, but it was one that he couldn't help making.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asked him, clapping his hand on his back. "Thought you said you were crashing."

"Yeah, couldn't sleep." Elliot said, glancing back over at the woman, and then back at Sam. "Gonna introduce me to your friend?"

Sam let out a laugh. "Sure. This is…" He gestured towards her.

"Sarah."

The woman supplied her name, and Elliot knew she hadn't been standing here long. That was good because it would be easy to get rid of her. "Nice to meet you Sarah." He said, giving her a quick smile. She smiled back and he could tell she was going to say something, but he cut her off before she could start. "Hey, I need to talk to my friend here…do you mind?"

Elliot saw her smile disappear as she looked over at Sam, and he knew she was disappointed. She thought she'd found someone to pay her bar tab tonight, but Elliot wasn't in the mood to make small talk for any length of time. To his credit, Sam just shrugged, and Elliot was thankful for that.

Elliot sat down the stool that she had just vacated, and Sam motioned towards the bartender. The cold beer went down easily, and Elliot had finished the first one before he'd even gotten done giving Sam about the brunette. He started his second beer as he turned the conversation to Olivia.

"So…if I remember correctly…you used to prefer blondes."

"Yeah well…I've never been that picky." Sam said as he took a drink from his beer. "Lately, I've found myself drawn to brunettes." He elbowed Elliot. "You're the one with the blonde wife."

"Ex-wife." Elliot corrected.

"Yeah." Sam grimaced. "Sorry about that."

"S'ok." Elliot said. They had already had a long conversation about his divorce the night before. The sat in silence for a minute, before Elliot started the conversation again. "I'm glad you had a chance to spend some time with Olivia."

"Me too." Sam chuckled. "Buddy, I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?"

"Work with her every day…with her…" He waved his hand. "You know…looking like that."

"She's my partner." Elliot said. They had already been down this road, and he didn't want to waste any more time with Sam asking him if he ever had carnal thoughts about his partner. He needed to find out what had happened. "And my friend."

"I know. I was just giving you shit." Sam said. He let out a sigh.

"You like her?"

Sam smiled broadly. "Yeah. She seems great. Funny. Smart. Beautiful." He took a sip of beer. "My kind of woman."

"You two seemed to hit it off." Elliot said, trying to act nonchalant as he took another sip of beer. He noticed the glass was almost drained, and he pushed it away as he set it on the bar. The beer was going down way too easily, and he was going to have to watch it. He was already rattled enough. A few beers were definitely not going to help.

Sam gave another non-committal shrug. "Yeah. Like I said. What's not to like?" Sam sat back and set down his beer, narrowing his eyes. "Did you come over here just to talk about Olivia?"

Elliot could hear a suspicious thread in Sam's voice, but he covered it up with a smile and a laugh. "I just came from her place." Elliot said, and he saw Sam's smile fade slightly.

"Yeah? How's she doing?"

Elliot noticed Sam look over his shoulder, towards the door, as if he expected her to materialize at any moment.

"She's upset." Elliot stared at Sam. "And a little pissed." He didn't elaborate because he wanted to see how Sam would handle the information. He could see Sam mulling over the information Elliot had provided, working his jaw as he peeled the label on his bottle of beer. It was no accident that he wasn't making eye contact with Elliot.

Sam had obviously made a decision. He straightened up slightly and turned towards Elliot, holding out his hands in a placating gesture. "Hey man. Whatever she told you…" He was shaking his head as he spoke. "I mean…it isn't that big of a deal."

Elliot swallowed hard, trying hard not to let Sam's cavalier attitude bother him.

" _What_ wasn't that big of a deal?" He asked.

"She was flirting with me. You were there. You saw it."

"We were all having a good time." Elliot repeated the words Olivia had said to him.

"Yeah but…" Sam cocked his head and gave him a look as if to say _c'mon buddy…you know how it is._ Sam seemed to get that Elliot wasn't on his side as he'd hoped, and he dropped the small smirk he had adopted. "What did she say?"

"I want to hear it from you." Elliot said, trying to sound as understanding as possible, in hopes that Sam would confide in him. Because right now, he didn't have any more information than when he had walked in the door. "I mean, if it wasn't that big of a deal…" He said, shrugging his shoulders as he pressed his lips together.

Sam looked back at the door, and Elliot wondered if he was thinking about making an escape. In the next second, Sam confirmed his thoughts. "C'mon man. It's getting late and I'm wiped."

Elliot's gaze didn't waver, and he didn't move.

Sam seemed to realize that Elliot wasn't going to give in. "It was a misunderstanding. I apologized." He waved a hand. "No need to get into it…"

Elliot could feel the tension coiled in his body. He realized now that he had been horribly wrong. Whatever had happened, it hadn't been consensual. It took everything in him to keep still…to keep his hands from curling into fists. "Sam…" His voice was low…almost a growl…and Sam obviously heard the danger in it. He put up his hands in surrender.

Sam took a long drink, draining his bottle of beer. He set it down quickly, accidentally knocking it over, which told Elliot he was nervous.

Sam huffed out a breath. "We were all having fun. We were all a little drunk and I thought…" He paused for a moment. "Man…you said there wasn't anything going on between the two of you…"

"There's not." Elliot said vehemently.

"Yeah…well…last night, after I put you in a cab, I went back up." Sam said. "She _let_ me in." He raised his eyebrows, his eyes pleading with Elliot. "It's not like I forced my way into her apartment."

Elliot didn't say a word as Sam continued.

"We were in the kitchen, and I…" He righted the beer bottle before he looked back at Elliot. "I kissed her."

Elliot narrowed his eyes when Sam stopped his narrative. He would understand if Olivia was a little shocked by an unplanned kiss, but it didn't seem to merit the level of distress she'd exhibited or the body language between the two of them all day. "You kissed her." He knew Sam could hear the skepticism in his voice.

"Yeah." Sam said.

"So, you think that's why she's upset with you?" Elliot asked, fishing for more.

Sam stood up, and Elliot saw it for what it was. An attempt at intimidation. "Listen. I thought she was just… you know…playing a little hard to get. So, I kissed her again and I might have been a little…" He shrugged his shoulders. "I grabbed her and …"

Sam didn't finish his sentence.

Elliot stood up, straightening his frame to stand slightly taller than Sam. "I swear to God…." His voice was thick and low, and he could feel the flush of anger take over. Sam must have recognized the look in his eye, because he tried to back away, but the stool was in the way, and he couldn't put any really distance between them. He lifted up his hands in a defensive gesture.

"No! It was nothing like that!" Sam said vehemently. "I kissed her, and she tried to push me away, but I thought she was being a tease. I thought it was a game. So…I might have pushed her against the counter and maybe I grabbed her breast but…" He shook his head. "She kneed me in crotch. I thought I was going to be puking up blood!"

Elliot could barely even register Sam's words, knowing that whatever he said was certainly understated as he heard from so many perps in the past. His blood was boiling, and his rage was complete, as he saw the scene play out in his head. He wasn't thinking…he could only react. "You son-of-a-bitch." He growled as his fist connected with Sam's nose. He heard a satisfying crunch as Sam stumbled backwards into the stool, and both went down in a heap on the ground. Sam let out a pained sound, and the chair broke beneath him, making his head connect with the floor. Elliot saw blood pouring from his nose.

Elliot could sense the yells and cries of the people in the bar, but it was muted. His focus was completely on Sam, as his old friend looked up at him with an incredulous look in his eyes. Sam held one hand to his nose and the other up in a defensive gesture, but Elliot's rage wasn't expelled. He reached down and grabbed Sam's shirt, hauling him up with pure adrenaline. "How could you do something like that? To Olivia? To any woman?" He lifted his fist again but held it, looking back and forth between Sam's eyes. "I thought I knew you. I trusted you." Elliot said, his voice laced with pain and anguish.

Sam pulled his blood-stained hand away from his nose. "Jesus Christ! You _know_ me." Sam pushed at Elliot, and Elliot released his hold on him, trying to calm his breathing. "You know me." Sam repeated, as he took a step back, kicking away the rubble of the stool. "We've been friends for how long?" He asked, staring at Elliot as he gently dabbed at his nose. "I've saved you ass more times than I can count."

Elliot couldn't think clearly…mostly because he didn't want to believe that Sam could be the type of person that would assault a woman. He tried to control his breathing…tried to stifle the rage still running through his blood.

Sam seemed to sense his effort at regaining control, because Elliot saw him relax slightly. "Fuck! This hurts." He touched his nose gently. "Listen, this got all blown out of proportion."

Elliot furrowed his brows when he heard Sam's words. "What?"

"Olivia…me. This whole thing. She said she wasn't going to say anything. So, it's obviously not that big of a deal. Christ…" He shook his head. "It's not like I threw her down and fucked her."

This time, when Elliot's fist connected, his rage was complete, and he had no control.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I don't know about this chapter. I have alternately loved it and hated it, so I'll be anxious to know what you think!

EOEOEOEO

Elliot trudged heavily up the stairs to Olivia's apartment, knowing it was the last place he should be headed, but keenly aware that he couldn't be anywhere else. He had been so wrong, about so many things.

He had to talk to her…to find out what really happened. He felt sick to his stomach, almost certain that Sam had glossed over the details.

He had to apologize. _God_ …he had to apologize. For what happened between her and Sam. For accusing her of sleeping with him. For not believing her when she said she hadn't. But most importantly, for making her feel like she couldn't tell him. He still can't wrap his head around the fact that she thought that he would put Sam before her.

It slices into him like a knife.

Elliot pauses at the top of the stairs, wondering if Cragen called her. He looks down at his blood-spattered shirt…his bruised knuckles…and Cragen's words pop into his head again.

"Go home Elliot."

It had been the only thing he'd said as he had bailed him out of jail this morning. The look of disappointment and resignation on his face had replaced the need to say anything else. Elliot was smart enough to know that wasn't the end of it. There would be an investigation…questions…charges most likely.

He should be worried about his job and his pension. He should be worried about his livelihood and his ability to support his kids. But as he lay awake on the soiled mattress of a tiny cell, the only thing he could think about was Olivia. He wondered if she was laying awake, replaying Sam's assault on her. Or thinking about Elliot's betrayal. He wondered if she'd broken down and cried after he'd left her.

The very thought of her alone in her apartment, crumpled on her bed, sobbing…it was almost unbearable. He had paced the cell…wrapped his fingers around the bars…raged. His need to get out of this cell was an urgent, coiled thing inside of him. He had eventually wound down…collapsing back onto his bunk when the adrenaline left his body. But his mind had stayed on Olivia.

So…here he was.

He looked at his watch as he trudged down the hallway, wondering if Olivia was sleeping like she should be. He wondered if she had fallen into a fitful sleep, drained by the events of the past few days. Or if she had lain awake, staring at the ceiling.

He hoped she would let him in.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia curled up on her side and tugged at the covers, frustrated that sleep wouldn't come. She couldn't stop replaying the conversation with Elliot, and his accusations weighed heavily on her. He should know her better than that…but it certainly wasn't the last time their assumptions or misunderstandings would cause a rift between them. They would recover…move on.

She had done the right thing. She was certain of it.

The hours passed as her thoughts went from Elliot to Sam and back to Elliot.

It always came back to Elliot.

Olivia had flipped back on her side for the fifteenth time, when she froze. She thought she'd heard knocking on the front door. A few seconds later, she heard it again…so soft that if she had been sleeping, she wasn't certain she would have heard it.

She looked over at the clock on her nightstand.

7AM.

There's only one person that could be standing at her door…and she didn't know if she was emotionally ready to see her. She had kept the truth of what happened to herself last night, but if he had pushed…she may have broken right in front of him.

But last night…she'd waited until the door had been closed behind him. She had waited until she was certain that he was down the hall…down the stairs…before she had crumpled to the floor with her back to the door. She had pressed the palm of her hand to her mouth, trying to stifle it…trying to hold the tears at bay. But she hadn't been able to hold it in.

She hated what Sam had done, but Elliot…somehow his biting remarks and accusations had caused more of an indelible mark.

Olivia realized that the knocking had stopped, and she felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. Seconds later, her phone beeped, indicating an incoming text message. She reached over and placed her hand on her phone, trying to decide if she wanted to look at the text or not, but she knew she wouldn't be able to ignore it.

There was a single message.

 _Please._

She felt a familiar tug. The one that made her forgive and forget, time and time again. The one that kept her tethered to him and the job, no matter how much she wanted to run sometimes.

Olivia slid out of bed, pushing the twisted blankets to the side. She brushed her hand through her hair as she made her way into the living room. Morning light was just starting to make its way into the apartment, but it was still dark, and she switched on one of the lamps on her way to the door. The old wooden flooring was cold on her feet, and she felt goosebumps on her bare arms, missing the warmth of her bed.

Olivia placed the palm of her hand against the door as she peered through the peephole.

She didn't know why she bothered. She undid the locks and swung the door open, but she wasn't prepared for the sight before her. She saw Elliot had one arm braced against the doorframe, and he looked like he'd been wandering the city all night. He had dark circles under his eyes, and is white shirt was so wrinkled, it looked like he had slept it in. She looked closer and saw stains on his shirt. "Oh my God." She whispered, looking back up at him. "Is that blood?"

Elliot dropped his arms, and her eyes trailed back down his arms. His shirt sleeves were haphazardly rolled up, and she saw his knuckles were swollen and laced with small cuts and abrasions.

"Elliot…" She took a step forward, but Elliot was already moving towards her, walking across the threshold. She had to back up and the door swung closed behind him. She looked up and down his body again. "What the hell happen…"

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was laced with fatigue and raw emotion. He had intended to ease his way into the conversation, but when he saw her standing there, he broke. Her hair was messed and there were dark smudges of eyeliner or mascara beneath her swollen eyes. She looked vulnerable to him, standing there in her NYPD t-shirt and pajama shorts, and he felt like an absolute shit for not doing more to protect her.

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, as the realization that he knew about Sam washed over her. She didn't know what to say, and she shook her head slightly before closing it again. All her emotions were still raw, she was exhausted, and she didn't trust herself not to break down.

Before he could even think about it, Elliot closed the gap between them, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. He felt a moment of resistance, but then she melted against him, slipping her arms around his waist as he enveloped her in his. He buried his face in her hair as she pressed her cheek against his chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispered the words over and over again as he breathed her in, and he felt her trembling slightly. He held her more tightly against him, wishing he could take away all the pain…all the bad memories…every injustice she'd been forced to endure in her life.

They stood in the foyer, just holding in each, their bodies rocking slightly as if to the rhythm of some unheard music. Olivia didn't question it…didn't let herself ask why. She let herself go…enjoying the warmth of Elliot's body and the utter sense of security she felt with his arms around her. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, and she thought she could stay in this moment forever. She heard and felt his heartbeat against her cheek, and she focused on it as Elliot tightened his hold on her.

Elliot didn't know how long they'd been standing there, but he didn't want to let her go. It all seemed a little surreal. If he didn't feel the fatigue in his body or the sting on his knuckles, he might wonder if he was a dream. But he could feel her breathing…smell the scent of her shampoo…hear the small sounds she was making.

This wasn't a dream.

Olivia didn't want it to end, but they couldn't stand here forever. Elliot had stopped apologizing, but had pressed his face into her hair, and she wondered what was going through his head right now. The image of his blood-spattered shirt and his battered hands flashed back into her mind, and even though she could hazard a guess, she had to find out what had happened.

She had to know what Sam had told him.

But first, just one more minute…

Olivia started to slip her arms from around Elliot's waist, and she could feel the reluctance from him as he released her. She took a step back and slid the palms of her hand down his arms until her hands met his. She lifted them up to take a closer look.

Elliot wasn't ready for her questions. He pulled his hands from hers. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, looking back and forth between her eyes.

Olivia turned and dropped head slightly, letting out a heavy sigh. She walked into the living room, and she knew Elliot would follow her. She had only taken a few steps when she felt his hand on her arm.

"Liv…"

She stopped and looked up at him.

Olivia looked back and forth between his eyes, at a loss for words, but she knew they had to talk. She caught one of his hands in hers and lead him over to the couch. She pressed him down until he sat down on the couch, and she saw the confusion on his face. "I'll be right back." She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a towel. She found some ice and wrapped it in the towel, but she set it down on the counter. She braced her arms against the counter and took in a deep breath, thinking about the conversation ahead. The look on Elliot's face…the way he had held her…the way it felt to be held.

This was a place they'd never been before.

Elliot felt relief when Olivia finally came back, carrying what he knew to be ice in her hand. She brushed by his legs, slotting her legs between his knees as she sat down on the coffee table. She avoided his eyes as she lifted one hand and pressed the ice against it, and he tried not to hiss as she applied pressure.

Olivia rested her hand on her upper thigh, holding his hand as she held the cold compress in place. She stared down at it, and then looked up into his eyes. "What did you do?" She asked softly.

Elliot wanted to be the one to ask questions, but he knew he was going to have to answer eventually. "I went to talk to Sam."

"It doesn't look like the conversation ended well." Olivia attempted to add some humor to lighten the mood, but it fell flat. She didn't see any other injuries on Elliot, so she assumed Sam had gotten the worst of it.

"He hurt you." Elliot said.

"I'm fine." Olivia said. She moved the ice slightly and she saw Elliot wince.

"That's bullshit." Elliot said. He pulled his hand away from Olivia, and the ice fell to the floor. "I need to know what happened."

Olivia considered his question. "It doesn't matter now." She pointed at his hand. "And I'm guessing that Sam already told you."

"I want to hear it from you."

"Elliot." Olivia shook her head. "Telling you isn't going to change anything. The damage's been done."

"Damage." Elliot felt his temper flaring again, and he tried to tamp it down. "Did he…"

Olivia reached over and placed a hand on his knee. "No." She shook her head, knowing that Elliot's imagination was running away with him. As much as she didn't want to tell him what happened, she knew she had to reassure him that things hadn't gone as far as he imagined. "He came back…he kissed me…and when I tried to push him away…" She swallowed. "He just got a little pushy and…I kneed him in the crotch and told him to leave."

Elliot knew she had omitted parts of what happened, but the main elements matched what Sam had told him, so he breathed a sigh of relief. Olivia had left her hand on his knee, and he placed his hand over hers. "That morning, when I asked you to meet us and go to the game…why didn't you tell me what happened? Or better yet, why didn't you call me the minute he had left?"

"I _couldn't_." Olivia said vehemently. She moderated her voice slightly, speaking more softly. "How _could_ I?" She pulled her hand from beneath Elliot's.

"You don't think I would want to know? He _assaulted_ you for Christ's sake."

"He's your friend. You've been through so much together. He's important to you…"

" _What?_ " Elliot asked incredulously. He reached out and clasped her hands in his. " _You're_ important to me. Don't you understand that? You're more important to me than Sam. Why would you ever think that I'd put him ahead of you?"

"But…"

"No. Whatever you're going to say right now…" Elliot dropped his head. "Just…don't."

"I would never want to come between the two of you."

"Stop." Elliot said. "Sam and I were friends, but the Sam I knew…he never would have…" Elliot dropped his head and leaned slightly towards her. He was mourning the loss of the man that Sam was. His friend. A person he had trusted beyond measure.

"I'm sorry." Olivia said, hearing the sadness in his voice. She pulled her hands from his and ran her palms down the side of his head, landing on his shoulders. "I'm so sorry. This is exactly why…" She swallowed hard. "I didn't say anything…"

"Olivia." Elliot lifted his head and Olivia dropped her hands. "You never asked for this." He shook his head. "If anything, this is my fault. You didn't want to meet us. You didn't want to go out. I forced you to…." When he thought about it, it made him ill.

"El…" Olivia started, but Elliot was shaking his head.

"He's lucky I didn't kill him." Elliot said. His voice was deep…dark. He clenched his jaw, wishing he would have had the chance to get in a few more blows before the guys in the bar had pulled him off of Sam.

Olivia saw the darkness in his eyes and heard the dangerous tone of his voice. She needed to pull him back from the edge. She needed to find out exactly what he'd done…and if some uniforms were going to come looking for him.

She reached out and lifted Elliot's hand. She held it in hers as she reached down and snagged the ice pack from where it had fallen on the floor. She squeezed his hand gently as she rested it on her thigh, and she placed the ice on top of the bruised knuckles. She focused all of her attention on his hand, aiming for some calm.

Elliot watched her…feeling so emotional as he thought of what had happened…what could have happened. Elliot took in a deep breath, trying to control the surge of anger that had resurfaced as Olivia tried to minimize what had happened to her…as she tried to justify keeping it from him…as she told him how little she thought she meant to him. "Liv…" He reached up with his left hand and brushed her hair back from her face, tucking it gently behind her ear. He couldn't find the words to say everything that was going through his mind.

Olivia was surprised by the gentleness of the touch when she knew he was raging inside, and she looked up at him.

"I'm sorry." Elliot said softly. It wasn't what he wanted to say to her, but it was all he could manage.

Olivia wanted to tell him to stop apologizing. She felt horrible enough about the pain he was going through; she didn't need his guilt on top of it. But she knew he needed to hear her acknowledge it. "I know." They had so much more to talk about, but in that moment, her exhaustion set in. She could see the same mirrored in Elliot's eyes. "We need to sleep."

"But…"

"We can talk more tomorrow…" Olivia looked at the window, seeing the morning light start t seep into the apartment. "Or later today." She lifted the ice pack from his hand, and Elliot pulled his hand back from where it had been resting on her thigh. Olivia slid her legs out from between Elliot's and stood up.

Elliot watched as her eyes met his, and she held out her hand. He didn't understand, but he reached out and took her hand in his. She tugged at it gently, and he stood up.

"Let's get some sleep." Olivia said. She started walking towards her bedroom, pulling Elliot along behind her.

Elliot pulled back gently, stopping her in her tracks. She turned to look at him, hoping she could see the question in his eyes.

"Just to sleep." She said softly.

Elliot knew that from the moment he had pulled her into his arms…something had changed between them.

Elliot nodded…and followed her lead.

When the reached her bedroom, she pulled back the covers and climbed into bed. Elliot unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, tossing it on to the floor. He hesitated a moment, but Olivia held out her hand. He toed off his shoes, and pulled off his jeans, and crawled into bed next to her. She quickly closed the empty space between them and reached for him. Elliot wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his body. She pressed her cheek against his chest, and he could feel her warm breath against his skin. She slid a leg between his, and he held her more tightly than he'd imagined possible.

It was only minutes before he felt her breathing slow, and her heartbeat slow, matching his own. It was amazing to him that amidst all the pain and chaos of the past few days, he felt a kind of peace. He had faith that when they woke up, they would figure out how to move past this. He felt himself drifting off…but not before he pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.


	7. Chapter 7

Elliot woke up and feels disoriented for a moment before he remembered where he was.

Olivia's apartment.

Olivia's _bed_.

He had slept soundly, but he remembered waking up once in the middle of the night to find that Olivia had separated from him. She had been sleeping on the opposite side of the bed with her back to him. He hadn't encroached on her space, letting her sleep, and had fallen back to sleep quite easily.

He didn't need to look to know that she wasn't in bed with him now.

He glanced at the clock and it's 3PM. As he sat up, he scrubbed his hands over his face and then back along the top of his head, trying to shake the grogginess from his head. He had a slight headache, but he wasn't surprised, after everything that had happened. A low groan escaped as he slipped his legs out of bed. His whole body hurt, and he knew it was his own damn fault. He took a few minutes to stretch his arms and legs before he looked around for his clothes. He saw his jeans folded on the dresser, and an NYPD t-shirt was laying on top of it. It wasn't what he'd been wearing, but as he picked it up, he realized that it's his. For some reason, that makes him smile.

He made his way into the bathroom and peed. He stole some toothpaste and scrubbed his teeth with his finger as best as he could. Once he'd slipped his t-shirt over his head, he headed out of her bedroom, wondering what the day was going to hold. As he rounded the corner into the living room, he heard Olivia in the kitchen, but he didn't call out to her. He could also hear the sound of the washing machine, and he wondered just how long she'd been up.

Elliot turned into the small galley area and stopped. She was leaning against the counter, holding a mug of coffee in her hand. She had exchanged her pajama shorts for leggings and had pulled a black cardigan over her t-shirt. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile, and he took that as a good sign.

"Want some coffee?" She asked.

"Sure."

Elliot knew she had anticipated his need for caffeine because there was an extra mug sitting on the counter. She filled it, handed it to him and retreated back to her previous spot, taking a sip from her own mug.

Elliot watched her for a moment as he waited for his coffee to cool. She was quiet, and he wasn't quite sure what to say because he didn't know where things stood between them. He didn't regret anything that had been done or said in the early morning hours, but he wasn't sure how she felt about it. He also knew they weren't done with the conversation. He felt like he still owed her a million apologies.

He was going to tread lightly. He looked back towards the sound of the washing machine. "What time did you get up?"

Olivia looked up at him and shrugged her shoulders slightly. "Maybe an hour ago?"

"Couldn't sleep?"

Olivia gave him another small shrug, and he wondered what was going through her mind right now.

"I called Cragen."

Elliot lowered the mug he'd been lifting towards his mouth. Now he knew exactly what was on her mind. He noticed she had her eyes still focused on the mug in her hands. He wasn't certain how to respond, but when she didn't offer up any other information, he prompted her. It had to come out. "Yeah?"

"They talked to Sam at the hospital." Olivia looked up at Elliot, but he didn't seem to react. "You broke his nose. Split his lip. He had a gash in the back of his head, from where it hit the floor. Or a chair." She paused, but still no reaction. "There were a lot of eye witnesses."

Elliot nodded. He knew that attacking Sam in public was foolish. He had let his anger get the better of him and impair his judgment.

"Sam…Cragen said that he's not going to file a complaint…"

Elliot didn't know if he was surprised or not. "Wait…" Elliot said, furrowing his brow. "Does he think that if he doesn't press charges that he's off the hook for what he did to you? Because that's bullshit." He set his mug of coffee down hard on the counter, and it splashed over the side. He swore as the hot coffee splashed on to his skin.

"El." Olivia said, a hint of alarm in her voice. "No one knows what happened between me and Sam. I'm not pressing charges. It was just…a…" she pressed her lips together. "It was just a misunderstanding." She put up her hand when she saw Elliot was about to object. "There is no quid pro quo."

Elliot was dumbfounded. Olivia was completely minimizing what had happened, and it pissed him off. "How can you say that?"

"I was never going to press charges against him." Olivia clarified. "This was between him and me. I took care of it."

"So…a knee to the groin is sufficient punishment? Is that what you would tell other victims of assault?" The tone of his voice was escalating but he couldn't help it.

"I'm not saying that applies to anyone else."

"Just you?"

"I shouldn't have said anything to you." Olivia said with frustration.

Elliot tried to calm down. "The last thing I want is for you to keep secrets from me Olivia." He let out a heavy sigh. "I'm glad you told me." He ran a hand over his head. If she decided not to press charges, he couldn't force her to do it. "This mess is my fault. I shouldn't have gone after Sam like that." He took a step closer, but he saw her shrink back slightly and he stepped back again. "Just promise me that there isn't some kind of deal…"

"There's not." Olivia said, shutting off that line of questioning.

"OK." Elliot said. "So…Sam's not pressing charges. Did Cragen say anything else?"

"He wanted to know if I knew anything about what happened. If I knew why you went after Sam. IAB wants to talk to you too."

Elliot felt like they were back at square one. "What did you tell him?"

"He's not stupid." Olivia said. When she had called Cragen, he had asked her. When she hadn't offered up an answer, Cragen had asked her outright if it had anything to do with her. She hadn't responded because she knew that he already knew that it did.

"But you just got done telling me that no one knew what happened between you and Sam, and that you weren't going to tell anyone."

"That's not what I said." Olivia let out a frustrated sigh. She hated being put in this situation. If she hadn't told Elliot, he wouldn't have gone after Sam, and none of this would have to come out. But now, she had no choice but to protect him from the fallout. "I'll go in with you. I'll talk to Cragen and with IAB. Hopefully that will be the end of it."

Elliot thought she was being naïve, but he knew she was well aware that it wasn't going to be that easy. He hated that he'd put in her in that situation. "I'm sorry Liv." Once again, he found himself wishing he had never introduced the two of them. He never could have anticipated things going so wrong. "I just never imagined…"

"I know El." Olivia said. She hated that she'd come in between he and Sam, despite everything that Elliot had said this morning. "I wish things had been different, but here we are. I just think it would be best if you stay away from Sam right now." Olivia said. "I know he's your friend, but things are such a mess right now." She didn't trust that Elliot's temper wouldn't get the best of him again. "Let's just let things blow over." She set her mug down on the counter. "I just want to put all of this behind us."

Elliot didn't think it was going to be that easy, but he nodded. He wasn't sure what was going to happen once they went into the precinct, but it was Saturday night and he assumed they wouldn't need to deal with Cragen and IAB until Monday. Maybe some time would provide some perspective. "Whatever you want."

They both grew silent again, and Olivia picked up her mug and refilled it. She held out the pot to Elliot, but he had barely had a sip, so he shook his head. He noticed that she returned to her spot on the other side of the kitchen, and he wondered about her need to create this space between them. He picked up his mug and took a sip of the now cooled coffee. When he looked at Olivia, he saw she was back to staring at her mug again.

There was obviously something she still had to say, and he would have to wait her out.

It came just a few minutes later.

"This morning…" Olivia started softly. She felt like she owed Elliot an explanation for why she'd dragged him into her bed. He hadn't resisted, but it wasn't something they did…or had done…and she knew he was probably confused about why she had crossed that line. "I'm sorry about…" She gestured towards her bedroom. "I just needed…" She looked up and captured his eyes. "You make me feel safe El." She saw him staring back at her…waiting…listening… as she explained. "Telling you about what had happened made me feel…" She hated talking about her emotions, but she felt like owed him this explanation. And she found that she wanted to be honest…or at least as honest as she could be at this point. "I felt vulnerable and a little…" She shook her head. "I don't know." She broke eye contact with him then, looking towards the windows and out into the city.

"Scared?" Elliot softly.

"Maybe. And confused." She drew her attention back to Elliot. "When you walked in the door and pulled me into your arms." She let out a breath slowly. "I didn't know how much I needed that. And it made me realize…" She didn't finish her sentence, unsure of what she really wanted to say. Hugging Elliot in the foyer was a hell of a lot different than inviting him into her bed. "But I know I put you in an awkward situation and I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."

"Taken advantage?" Elliot shook his head. "No. Liv. Whatever you think…" He took a small step in Olivia's direction, testing to see how she'd react, but she didn't shrink back against the counter. She just watched him as he crossed the room towards her, setting his mug down on the coffee as he neared her. He was just a few feet from her, and he felt the urge to pull her into his arms again, and he wondered if it would always be like that now. "I don't feel that way." He said, keeping his tone soft. "I'm glad that you feel safe with me because sometimes…" He shook his head. "I worry that I scare the hell out of you." There were days when he let his temper rule, and he would lash out at anyone and everyone. Olivia had borne the brunt of that so many times, as his frustrations with cases and perps and his personal life became too much.

"Scared of you?" Olivia narrowed her brows. "No. Never." She found that she wanted to reach out…to reassure him. But touching him…folding herself into the comfort of his body…his arms…that couldn't become their new normal. But Elliot was looking at her and she shifted at the intensity of it.

"Liv." His voice was husky, and she felt a shiver run up her spine. The next thing she knew, he was taking the mug from her own hands and placing it on the counter. Then he braced one arm on either side of her, caging her in. He was close, and he looked back and forth between her eyes. "We've been partners for a long time. We're connected in a way that I can't explain. That neither one of us can explain. It's our job to protect each other…to be there for each other." He saw a small nod from her. "When I walked in that door and I saw you, I just needed to hug you and to apologize for not being there…for what happened…"

"That wasn't your fault." Olivia started, but Elliot cut her off.

"I'm just trying to tell you that it's okay…what happened this morning…if that's what you needed. It's okay."

Olivia reached out and pressed her hand on his arm. "Thank you." Everything had shifted since the moment he had walked into her apartment this morning, and she hated that the circumstances surrounding this change in their relationship came from something so negative. All the same victim speak kept running through her head, no matter how hard she tried to shut it down. _She wished she hadn't flirted. She wished she hadn't let Sam in the front door. She wished she hadn't told Elliot, because then he wouldn't have felt the need to go after Sam. This was all her fault._ She looked back up at Elliot. "I didn't want that…I mean…from Sam. I didn't want him to kiss me."

"I know." Elliot said.

Olivia was struggling because her emotions were all over the place. On one hand, she wanted to tell him that she didn't need him to protect her. She was a trained cop…she was more than capable of protecting herself. And she was pissed at how he'd gone after Sam, even though she should have known what would happen the minute she'd told him. And yet, despite all the bravado and regrets, she couldn't deny how good it had felt when Elliot had pulled her into his arms. How good it had felt when she'd allowed herself to melt against him in her bed.

She had slept soundly.

Dreamlessly.

Elliot was watching Olivia closely, wondering what was going through her head right now. He didn't know if he should wait her out or say something else. If he should back away or pull her closer. This was all uncharted territory, but he had to let her lead.

"We'll go to the precinct on Monday, and we'll get this all straightened out." Olivia said, sliding her hand down Elliot's bare arm. "And then…everything can go back to the way it was."

Elliot knew he should be agreeing with her but there was something inside of him that was fighting it.

Which was _crazy_.

So much had happened in the past 36 hours; now was not the time. But somehow, being honest with her had opened up the floodgates, and he was having a hard time reining in his emotions. "Is that what you want?" Elliot asked. "For everything to go back to normal?"

Olivia's breath hitched slightly when she heard the question. It sent another unexpected chill up her spine, and she could feel goosebumps break out along her skin. She was speechless for a moment as a million thoughts ran through her mind. She was surprised by Elliot's boldness, but she knew she shouldn't be. They both recognized that something had shifted. "That night we went out…" She heard her voice shaking slightly, and she almost lost her courage, but something in Elliot's eyes made her keep going. "When I answered the door…" She swallowed. "I wish it would have been you on the other side."

 _AN: I'm going to be going on vacation later this week, and I won't be writing. I am hoping to finish this story up before I go, but if I don't, I apologize. Just know I haven't abandoned it!_


	8. Chapter 8

_AN: Thanks so much for your patience! I'm back from vacation. I know this is a shorter update, but I wanted to get something out! Thanks for continuing to read. I've pulled the last part of the last chapter, just as a reminder._

So much had happened in the past 36 hours; now was not the time. But somehow, being honest with her had opened up the floodgates, and he was having a hard time reining in his emotions. "Is that what you want?" Elliot asked. "For everything to go back to normal?"

Olivia's breath hitched slightly when she heard the question. It sent another unexpected chill up her spine, and she could feel goosebumps break out along her skin. She was speechless for a moment as a million thoughts ran through her mind. She was surprised by Elliot's boldness, but she knew she shouldn't be. They both recognized that something had shifted. "That night we went out…" She heard her voice shaking slightly, and she almost lost her courage, but something in Elliot's eyes made her keep going. "When I answered the door…" She swallowed. "I wish it would have been you on the other side."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Olivia wished she could take them back. She had seen the way Elliot's eyes had widened slightly, and she knew he was shocked by her admission. Especially since she had told him that she wanted to put all of this in the past and let things get back to normal.

The poor man probably had whiplash from the way her emotions, words and actions flipped back and forth.

The fact that he was standing so close to her…caging her in…wasn't helping. She pushed her way past him, forcing him to let go of the counter and take a few steps back.

"Liv."

Olivia didn't respond. She made her way out of the kitchen, but realized she really had no place to go. She wasn't going to hide out in her bedroom or bathroom. That was childish, and besides, Elliot would just wait her out. She turned and banged her shin on the coffee table, uttering a small curse as she saw Elliot had followed her into the room. She decided she needed to go on the offensive. "I just meant that if had been you…" She realized that there was no way she could salvage this thread of conversation and not admit more than she wanted to. "Just forget it."

"But…"

Olivia put her hands on her hips. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

He was distracted by what she'd blurted out in the kitchen, but he knew her well enough to know that her physical escape meant it wasn't going to be easy to get her back on subject. He had to work the conversation back to it. "It's not that easy." Elliot said. "You don't just get to decide that we can ignore everything."

"Why not?" She held up both hands, palms facing upwards. "Nothing we do or say is going to change anything. I'm sorry that I let Sam in. You're sorry for what Sam did. I'm sorry for telling you. You're sorry for beating the hell out of Sam. We can say those words over and over, but it's not going to change _anything_."

Elliot kept himself from taking a step forward, even though he desperately wanted to grasp her hands in his and tell her that she was wrong. That they had gone long enough without talking. Something had changed between them…right or wrong or sideways…and it provided a chance for them to talk… _really_ talk…and get everything out that had been simmering just below the surface for years. "First of all, I'm not sorry that I beat the hell out of Sam. He deserved it."

Olivia rolled her eyes and let out a sound of exasperation. "Even though it puts everything in jeopardy? Your job, your pension…maybe even your freedom?"

"You already said Sam wasn't pressing charges." Elliot pointed out.

"That's not the point. He _could_ have." Olivia realized that she was letting herself get sucked back into the conversation. She lifted her hands from her hips and waved them in front of her. "You know what? This is exactly what I'm talking about. We can keep talking and talking about this. We can argue about what's right and what's wrong, but it's done." She dropped her hands.

"Fine. We can stop talking about it if that's what you really want." Elliot acquiesced. He didn't want her to shut down completely. His words had the intended effect, and he saw her relax slightly. "We have other things we need to talk about."

Any relief she'd felt was short-lived. Olivia had thought that would be the end of it. She thought she'd be able to ask Elliot to leave so she could climb back into bed and sleep this whole ordeal away. She hadn't slept very well at all because she hadn't been able to stop thinking about the hug in the foyer or the fact that a semi-clad Elliot was in her bed. She was exhausted. Physically and mentally.

Olivia closed her eyes, trying to purge those memories from her mind. "We don't have anything else to talk about."

Elliot clenched his jaw. _Classic Olivia_. She was the Queen of compartmentalization and avoidance.

He was done with that.

"That's such bullshit and you know it."

Olivia stared at Elliot in disbelief. She couldn't believe that he was picking now to confront her. She decided to feign innocence in hopes that he would drop it. "I honestly don't know…"

Elliot cut her off. "Jesus Liv." He said incredulously. "Seriously?" He took a step closer. "I thought that maybe, _finally_ , that somehow, we had decided we were done pretending." He pointed towards the door. "You let me hold you in the foyer…" He pointed towards her bedroom. "You…" He saw her eyes widen slightly and he knew he was treading on thin ice, so he didn't finish his comment. He saw the think line of her lips as she pressed them together, and she was watching him warily, as if daring him to say anything else. His mind was screaming at him to walk away…not to challenge the status quo…not to push her…and he let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine." He saw her relax slightly before he turned, intent on walking out the door and letting her claim a mental victory. He didn't have the energy to fight her.

Olivia watched as he headed towards the door, feeling every bit of his anger and frustration. She was hit with a sudden sense of loss, and a mild feeling of panic, at the thought that he was actually going to leave. She didn't know where it came from, but she couldn't seem to ignore it. "Wait…" She said quietly, taking a step in his direction as his hand reached for the doorknob. Thankfully, he paused, but he didn't turn around to look at her.

Maybe that was a good thing.

"I don't want you to go." She said quietly. Elliot didn't turn around, and she knew he was waiting for her to say something else. But the words wouldn't come, and she realized she was scared. "Please." She choked out. "Stay."

Elliot could her the tremor in her voice and he pulled his hand from the knob, turning to look at her. "If I stay, are we going to talk?" He saw her eyes drop from his, giving him his answer. "Forget it." He started to turn back towards the door when he saw her move towards him. The next thing he knew, she was standing next to him. She wrapped her fingers around his wrist and said his name in a hurried, panicked whisper.

"Elliot."

He looked down into her eyes and saw uncertainty lurking there. He realized she was scared, and he hated seeing that in her eyes. It almost made him acquiesce…give in to whatever she wanted. But too much had happened, and he was worried that if they let this moment pass, they would never, ever be here again.

Elliot took a step backwards, putting a little space between them, and pulled his arm gently from her grasp. He stared back and forth between her eyes before reaching up and gently brushing her hair back from her face. She startled at his touch, but he felt her relax slightly as he ran his fingers through the ends of her hair and rested his hand lightly on her shoulder. He never broke eye contact with her, and she was watching him with equal intent. "Something changed for us today Liv, and I don't know all the right things to say, but you know we can't just let this go. I'm afraid that if we do…" He shook his head slightly.

Olivia knew exactly what he was saying, and she couldn't believe this was Elliot. He'd never been one to deal with emotions well, and they'd both managed to avoid any discussion about the nature of their relationship for a long time. The fact that he was pushing this now scared her, but he had already met her more than half way. She inhaled deeply, feeling as if she was about to dive into the deep end of the pool with lead weights tied to her ankles. "OK." She said breathily. She nodded her head very slightly as she exhaled through pursed lips. "OK."

"Yeah?" Elliot was shocked that she had agreed. He had never had much success in pushing her to do anything she didn't want to do.

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it again, and nodded.

"There's nothing to be afraid of…"

"There's a lot to be afraid of." Olivia said, cutting him off. She took a step back, and his hand fell from where it had been resting on her shoulder. She dropped her eyes, suddenly feeling as if she didn't know what to say…where to stand…what to do…and she turned and headed back into the living room.

Elliot was skilled at reading body language and right now, Olivia was putting distance between them. The only thing he could think of was wrapping her in his arms again to comfort and assure her. But he knew that even though she had agreed to talk, it still wasn't going to be easy. Since he was the one that pushed, he was the one that had to start the conversation. But he would have to tread carefully because he knew that if he said too much, she would pull back.

Olivia looked up as he worked his way slowly back into the living room. She was seated on the couch, and she watched as Elliot lowered himself into her oversized chair. He waited a beat, just staring at her, before e said anything.

"You told me that I made you feel safe." Elliot started. "When I pulled you into that hug…you felt safe?"

Olivia nodded.

"You are safe with me. Whatever you say…whatever I say…I'll always have your back." Elliot paused. "Do you believe that?"

Olivia nodded again.

"I told you that you're important to me." Elliot said. "Do you believe that?"

Olivia nodded again, a little more slowly this time.

Elliot was repeating some of the things that had been said, just to remind her of some of the truths that had already been spoken. He didn't think she realized how much had already been revealed. It was what made him brave now.

"When you said that you wished that it had been me that had been at your door…" He watched as she tensed slightly, but he forged ahead. "What would have happened when you let me in?

Olivia remembered how much fun that night had been. She had let herself go more than usual, and she had been flirting with Elliot. She had only flirted with Sam, so it wasn't so obvious. And the best part was that Elliot had flirted back. It had been different than all the other times they had teased each other. There had been a sexual undercurrent...a sense of danger…that had energized the entire evening. She wasn't naïve to think that there hadn't been any sexual chemistry between she and Elliot, but that night, things had been different.

And then Sam…he had ruined it all.

"I don't know." Olivia said, her voice barely more than a whisper. She was being honest. She would have liked to think she would have turned him away. Protected their friendship and their partnership. But that night…and even now…she wasn't sure she would have.

Elliot believed her.

Olivia tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, wanting to ask a question of her own, but hesitating. Elliot raised an eyebrow and she knew he wanted her to say what was on her mind. "What would you have wanted to happen?"

Elliot considered the question and considered his answer. "I don't know." He paused and he saw Olivia relax again. "But, when I think about it now, I would have hoped that you would have kissed me." He saw Olivia's eyes widen and heard a sharp intake of breath. "Or, I would have kissed you."

Just the thought of Elliot walking through that door and kissing her was enough to send her heart rate soaring.

"Would you have pushed me away?" Elliot asked.

Olivia swallowed hard, knowing that her answer would determine the course of her life forever. She saw hope in Elliot's eyes, and she knew that what he'd said before was true. If they let this moment pass…

She dropped her eyes momentarily, and then lifted her head to capture his eyes again. She inhaled deeply and blew it out between pursed lips, still feeling her heart beating frantically in her chest. "No." She shook her head. "I wouldn't have pushed you away."


	9. Chapter 9

"I wouldn't have pushed you away."

The words hung in the air between them, ripe with possibilities. The enormity of their confessions had scared both of them, and neither one of them moved, seeming to share a mutual fear of saying or doing something that would break the spell. Something was happening here…something that had been coming for a long time.

Elliot watched Olivia closely, knowing that he had been the one that had started them down this path the moment he pulled her into that hug. He felt compelled to take the next step, but he honestly didn't know what that might be.

Should he kiss her?

Or had that opportunity passed?

They hadn't broken eye contact since she'd uttered her confession, but in that moment, his eyes dropped to her lips. He couldn't even begin to count how many times he'd thought about kissing her, and he wondered if it was the same for her. As he watched, he saw her part her lips slightly, and his eyes darted back up to hers. She was watching him, and he knew then that she wanted this to happen. She wasn't going to make the first move, but she wasn't going to stop him.

He walked towards her slowly, but he stopped just a foot away from her. In his dreams, he had swept her into his arms and captured her lips with his. She had slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, and it had been the most natural thing in the world. But right now, the reality of the situation was making him pause. He was riddled with uncertainty. She was looking at him, and the only thing he could think of was that he'd spent years doing his damnedest to keep his eyes from lingering too long and his hands from reaching for her.

And now…he was just supposed to pull her body against his and…and…

 _Christ._ Where should he put his hands?

Olivia sensed his hesitation, and she understood. Right now, despite everything that had been said, they could still go back…move away from the precipice. But once they shared that first kiss…

"Liv."

She heard him say her name, and his voice was husky…low. It was almost a plea, as if he needed to know she was as culpable as he was in whatever happened next.

Olivia closed her eyes for a brief moment, knowing this wasn't the time for rationale thought. Her eyes fluttered opened, and she closed the gap between them, sliding the palms of her hands up his chest as she looked up at him through her lashes. Elliot's slid his hands lightly up her outer arms, and then he was cupping her jaw…his fingers resting lightly against her skin. She felt her breathing quicken in anticipation and then Elliot leaned in, placing a soft kiss on her slightly parted lips. It was gentle…almost tentative…and it was exactly the opposite of what she ever imagined. He kissed her again…and again…small, soft kisses…almost reverent. Olivia felt a small sound escape from the back of her throat as she slipped her hands around his neck, and she kissed him back, opening her mouth to him.

When Elliot tilted her head slightly, and placed his full mouth against hers, she felt a tingling sensation course through her body. He slid the fingers of his right hand into her hair, cradling her gently in his hand as he explored her mouth. She moved closer, pulling his head towards her as she kissed him back. They were both moving slowly…learning each other…and it was incredibly sensual.

Elliot was lost in the softness of her lips…the small sounds she was making…the taste of her. He could feel her fingers pressing against the back of his neck and every sense seemed somehow heightened.

How didn't know how he had resisted this…her…for so long.

He slipped one hand down to the dip of her waist, resting it on the curve of hip. He felt himself wanting to pull her body closer, but was afraid that if he did, he would lose all control.

He was focused on taking this slowly…committing every detail to memory.

Olivia could feel that Elliot was holding back, and she understood why. The way he was kissing her made her heart race…and she knew things could escalate quickly. And even though they had both gone into this willingly, she knew Elliot was probably as wary as she was. But despite their cautious exploration, she could feel her control slipping with each moment that passed. Then Elliot slid his tongue between her lips, and she faltered, feeling her skin flush.

Elliot moaned into Olivia's mouth as her tongue met his, and she stole his breath as they kissed with renewed intensity. He felt her body start to fall into his, but he held her in place with his hand on her hip, anticipating his body's reaction to her kiss and her touch. Despite his growing need, he knew they couldn't simply throw caution to the wind.

There was too much at stake.

But oh…he wanted to.

He wanted to let his hands wander…to touch her in ways he had only dreamed about. All his nerve endings were on fire and his emotions in this moment threatened to overwhelm him. Olivia moaned into his mouth again and dug the tips of her fingers into his skin, and he lost all resolve then. He kissed her with abandon, letting his hand slide from her waist to the small of her back. He slipped his fingers beneath the hem of her t-shirt, feeling her soft smooth skin, and he heard a slight gasp from her as his fingers caressed the skin there. He froze, wondering if he had crossed a line.

 _Christ._ Was there even a line anymore?

Olivia slid one hand down from behind Elliot's neck and flattened the palm of it against his chest, pushing against him slightly until he pulled his mouth from hers. She could feel the swell of her lips, and the beating of Elliot's heart matched her own.

The intensity of these past few minutes threatened to consume her, but she had known it would be like this.

She had always known.

She dropped her eyes from his, staring at the way the palm of her hand melded against the hard muscles of his chest, and she felt like she needed to say something…anything. But the only thing she could rasp out was his name. "Elliot."

Elliot could hear the emotion in her voice, and he wondered what was going through her head in that moment. For a moment, he was worried it was regret. But he wasn't getting that from her.

Just silence.

Stillness.

Contemplation.

When her eyes lifted and met his, he could see a sort of acceptance. _A surrender._

She wasn't going to pull away from him. She wasn't going to whisper any words of regret.

And for that, he was grateful.

"I know." He said, gently brushing her hair away from her face. He slid both arms around her and pulled her against his body, placing small kisses on her hairline as she folded her arms against his body.

Elliot didn't know what to say to her right now. He'd never been good with words.

So, he held her.

Eventually, their breathing and their heart rates slowed, and he found they were swaying slightly. Just as they had been in the foyer. Moving to some unheard melody…some unknown rhythm.

Olivia felt herself being lulled almost to sleep. The outpouring of feelings had almost left her drained, even though she hadn't said the words that still lingered in the air. She gladly let Elliot hold her, and even though his kisses had sent her senses into overload, she thought she could be happy simply wrapped in Elliot's arms.

All the arguments and tensions faded away…and she sighed as she lay her cheek against his chest.

A few more moments had passed, and she realized Elliot was saying her name. She pulled herself back slightly and felt Elliot's arms loosen around her. Olivia looked up at him, wondering if she had actually fallen asleep.

"Maybe you should go back to bed." Elliot said, letting his arms fall to her waist, still holding her lightly against him.

Olivia felt her cheeks flush as she thought about Elliot in her bed.

Elliot saw her blush. It was adorable…a word he never associated with Olivia Benson. He leaned in slightly. "I meant to sleep." He whispered.

The huskiness of his voice sent a shiver through Olivia's body, and she knew Elliot could feel her tremble.

She didn't care. "Maybe you could join me." She said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Elliot never thought he would hear those words coming out of her mouth, and even though he had shared her bed once already, he knew they were in uncharted territory now. He covered her hands with his, and pulled them up to his mouth, placing gentle kisses on her knuckles. "Liv…"

Olivia blushed again, but now it was from embarrassment. She could hear the rejection in his voice, and she silently berated herself. The man had been married for most of his adult life. He hadn't dated. He hadn't negotiated those first and second dates or the expectations of sex. And here she was, inviting him into her bed after just a few kisses.

Elliot felt her pull away and knew she was embarrassed by what she felt was a misstep. "Don't." He said. He held on to her hands and kept her in place. He saw she was avoiding his eyes. "Please." He tugged at her hands and she looked back up at him.

Olivia saw his eyes searching hers.

"I don't want to mess this up." Elliot said quietly. He pressed her hands against his chest again, still staring into her eyes. "Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

Olivia nodded. Because she did. She really did. "I do." She swallowed hard. "I shouldn't have…" She felt the flush return and she glanced away again. "I just…"

Elliot placed two fingers lightly beneath her chin and gently guided her back so she couldn't avoid looking at him. He considered what he was willing to reveal right now, but realized, there was no reason to hold back anymore. "Do you know how many times I've thought about kissing you? About…" It was his turn to swallow hard now and he found he couldn't say the words. "About everything?"

Olivia just watched him intently, surprised that he had put his thoughts into words, and wanting to tell him that her thoughts mirrored his. When he paused, she reached up and wrapped her fingers around his hand and pulled it from her face, holding it in between their bodies. "It's the same for me."

Elliot seemed to consider her words and there was a slight look of bewilderment in his eyes. "If we both feel the same way and want the same things, then, why is this so terrifying?" He asked quietly, choking out the words.

Olivia was slightly taken aback by the question at first, but she realized the word terrifying was the perfect choice. "When you want something so much…" She started. "You build it up in your mind. But what if once you have it, you find that you really don't want it? That it isn't what you thought?" She felt tears brimming on her lower lashes. "Then, you have nothing." She shook her head. "Just…nothing." The last word was barely a whisper and she dropped her gaze once again. If she kept looking at Elliot, she was going to start to cry.

Because she wanted him.

All of him.

Everything he had to give.

And if that couldn't happen, she really would be alone.

Elliot knew she was telling him her deepest fear, and it was why he was treading so carefully now. He reached out and placed his hands lightly on her upper arms, not wanting to overstep. "Tell me what you want Liv. I'll follow your lead." Olivia looked up at him again. He looked back and forth between her eyes. "I already told you. I don't want to mess this up."

"This isn't all on you."

"I know that." He lifted one hand to caress her cheek and Olivia turned her head into his palm so that he cupped his cheek. "But I need you to know…no matter what…you're never going to be alone Olivia. I'm always going to be there for you." He ran his thumb lightly against her skin and saw her close her eyes. "Do you believe that?"

Olivia mumbled her agreement and she took in everything he was saying. There was still an undercurrent of fear and uncertainty running through her mind, but with Elliot's presence so near to her, it was muted.

"I know that neither one of us really believes that there's no future for us. And I don't want to go back to the way things were because now that I've kissed you…" He swallowed hard. "I _can't_ go back."

Olivia placed her hand over his as it rested against her cheek.

Elliot wasn't sure what to think because Olivia wasn't saying anything. "Liv?" he turned her head back towards him again, and her eyes slid open. She gave him a long, lazy look, and a small smile tugged at her lips.

Olivia had heard every word that Elliot said, but as much as she'd like to believe him, she knew he couldn't make promises to her. The world didn't work like that. But she could have hope. She could take a leap of faith. "I can't go back either." She said finally. "I don't want to go back." The smile faded. "But I also know that the two of us…sometimes…" They were horrible at communicating, especially with each other. And that was about mundane, work things. This was a whole other level. "Communication isn't our strong suit."

"Maybe that was because there was so much pent up sexual tension." Elliot quipped with a smile tugging at his lips.

Olivia rolled her eyes and laughed, despite herself. The levity actually helped relieve the heaviness of the conversation. "Maybe so." She teased back.

"So…maybe…just to improve communication between us…" Elliot started, sliding his hands down to her hips. "We should relieve some of that with a little more kissing."

Olivia raised one eyebrow and bit down on her lower lip, knowing that it probably drove Elliot over the edge. "Is that what you call taking it slow?"

"It's just a few kisses Benson." Elliot said, giving her his best smile and wiggling his eyebrows. He was so damn happy in this moment that he couldn't keep the smile off his face if he tried.

"Benson?" Olivia asked, feigning indignation. "If you're going to kiss me, I think we'd better be on a first name basis." She teased.

"Olivia…" Elliot said, taking a half step closer. "Will you please stop talking and kiss me?"


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Arrrggghhh. I hope people haven't lost interest in this story! I don't like to take this long between updates, so please hang in there with me! Thanks!

EOEOEOEO

Olivia stood in the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She touched her swollen lips gingerly and felt her cheeks flush with the memory of Elliot's kisses. It had been nearly impossible to watch him leave her apartment, and yet, they both knew it was necessary. The underlying current that ran through both of their bodies ensured neither one of them would be able to hold on to their control much longer. Both of them had had unspoken moments where they wanted to throw caution to the wind, but their underlying fear made them cautious, and as they reached the point of no return, they had pulled apart.

Olivia felt her body tighten even now as she thought about how much she had wanted Elliot's hands to explore her body. Much to her disappointment, he had kept his hands at her waist or on her lower back, barely sliding them down to the curve of her ass. She closed her eyes and ran her hands down over her breasts, feeling her nipples tighten as she thought about Elliot's hands roaming over her curves…his mouth…

She let out a moan and opened her eyes, knowing thoughts like these were only going to keep her awake, as they had so many nights before. Only this time, it was so much worse. Once she'd had a taste of what could be…

Olivia touched her lips again, wondering if Elliot was having the same thoughts as she was right now, and if he regretted leaving her apartment tonight. She knew it was the right thing to do. They needed to figure out what this change meant for them, for their jobs, his kids, their future. All the things that had held them back before.

She hoped he didn't change his mind.

She was determined not to change hers. It was the last thing he had asked before he left, and she had promised him. She was done with denying her feelings for Elliot. It had been threatened to break them too many times and she didn't think they could survive anymore, living with all that was unspoken.

Olivia heard her phone ringing, and it broke through her reverie. She dropped her hands, and rushed into the other room, hoping she wasn't being called into work. Cragen was the only one that every called. She snatched her phone off the counter and answered it without even looking at the screen.

"Benson." She said, answering with her pat greeting.

"I thought we were on a first name basis."

Olivia broke into a smile as she heard Elliot's voice. "I thought it was going to be Cragen." She said, letting him know in an indirect way that she wasn't expecting to hear from him.

"Disappointed?" Elliot asked with a chuckle.

"Mmmm…" Olivia teased, pretending to be thinking about her answer.

"Watch it Benson."

Olivia smiled at the use of her last name. Change was going to take time. "We're back to Benson and Stabler?" she asked innocently.

Elliot chuckled again. She had always kept him on his toes. "Are you always going to be this difficult?" he asked.

"Did you expect that to be any different now?" Olivia asked. She loved this banter between them. She always had, except of course, for the times it turned heated.

"Hell yeah." Elliot said quickly. "Now that I've swept you off your feet and kissed you senseless, I expected a little more respect."

Olivia laughed lightly, distracted by the thought of Elliot's kisses. "If you would have kissed me senseless, then I wouldn't have let you out of my apartment." She said, adding a sultry tone to her voice.

Elliot let the comment pass, choosing to focus on the tone of her voice. "That's exactly why I'm calling." He said. "I'm driving home, and I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing. Why I left."

"You know why you left." Olivia said.

"Yeah." Elliot sighed. "Doesn't mean I'm happy about it."

Olivia laughed again, feeling like giddy schoolgirl. "Do you want to come back?" She waited breathlessly for his answer, unsure as to whether or not she wanted him to say yes or no. There was silence on the other end of the line, and she knew he was struggling to answer her question. Undoubtedly the same thoughts were going through his head as were going through hers.

Elliot struggled with his conscious. He'd love nothing more than to turn his truck around and wrap his arms around her and…

"El?" Olivia asked, knowing it had been unfair to ask him to come back when they had both agreed they needed some time and space.

"Yeah?" Elliot said heavily, his conscious fighting with his emotions.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Olivia waited for his reaction, but the silence dragged on for longer than she expected. "El?" She asked softly.

"Good night Liv."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia found herself in front of the mirror, fiddling with her hair, for the third time since Elliot had messaged her and told her that he was on his way over. She laughed at how ridiculous she was being. Elliot had seen her nearly every day for years…at her best and at her worst. She didn't know why she had spent so much time on her hair and makeup this morning.

Maybe it was just nervous energy.

She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do when she answered the door. Would he hug her or kiss her? Or would he wait for her to make the first move?

She let out a groan and dropped her head, leaning against the bathroom counter. She didn't know why she was such a wreck. She had dated dozens of men and could never remember being this nervous.

The sound of her buzzer interrupted her thoughts, and she felt a nervous flutter in her stomach. She tugged her t-shirt down over the waistband of her leggings and she wondered if she should have worn jeans. She heard the buzzer again, and knew Elliot was probably getting impatient waiting outside her building.

She had to let today play out, and she was going to try to stop overthinking it. She made her way to the intercom and pushed the button that released the front door. Elliot had said he was bringing some breakfast when he had texted her this morning, so she went into the kitchen and pulled out some plates and silverware. She had no idea what he was bringing, so she pulled down some bowls and glasses as well. Just about the time she had set everything on the counter, there was a knock at the door.

Olivia tried to act casual as she opened the door, but she couldn't keep the smile off her face. It disappeared quickly though, when she saw that it was Sam standing outside her door, and not Elliot as she had expected.

Before she could say anything, Sam had his hands in the air in a defensive gesture. "I know you're probably wondering what I'm doing here…" He started. "But please, just don't slam the door in my face."

Olivia was so shocked to see him standing there, she didn't have time to react. She took in his two black eyes and his swollen nose and knowing that he had to get stitches and probably had a concussion she was surprised he was even up and walking around. She had barely heard a word he'd said. "You shouldn't be here." She said as he dropped his hands.

"I just wanted to…" Sam started.

Olivia looked past Sam, down the hallway behind him. Elliot was going to be here any moment. She didn't want Sam here, but she couldn't imagine what was going to happen if Elliot saw him standing in her doorway. Her eyes connected back to Sam's. "You need to go." Olivia took a step back, intending to close the door, but Sam moved towards her and stretched out an arm, bracing it against the door.

"I just need you to listen to me." He said, somewhat brusquely.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him, surprised he would be so bold after everything that had happened. She tugged at the door, but he held his ground and it unnerved her a little.

"I just want to talk to you for a minute!" He said, raising his voice a little.

Olivia could hear the frustration, but it didn't sway her. "I don't have anything to say to you."

"What happened…that was just a misunderstanding."

Olivia wrinkled her brows. "A misunderstanding?"

"Yeah…I mean…I didn't mean to…" Sam dropped his head slightly and let out a heavy sigh. "I thought…" He started again.

"I told you to stop. I asked you to leave." Olivia said. _Just like she was asking him to leave now_. "Seems like you don't know how to take no for an answer."

"I just wanted to have a chance to apologize."

"Telling me that I just misunderstood is a lot different than an apology." Olivia said hotly. She tugged at the door again, but Sam held it firmly.

Sam sighed again. "I didn't mean to make it sound like that. I just got carried away…misread the signals. _Christ!_ This has all gotten so out of control." He said, almost angrily. "Elliot and I have been friends for a long time." Sam said. "He _knows_ me."

"Are you here to apologize? Or are you here to ask me to fix things between you and Elliot?" Olivia asked, annoyed that he was still standing in her doorway. It sounded like he was telling her that she had overreacted, and that she wanted him to smooth things over with Elliot. She didn't condone what Elliot had done, but she wasn't about to gloss over what happened. If he wanted redemption, it wasn't going to come from her.

"I guess a little bit of both." Sam said.

"You crossed the line, and there is no misunderstanding about that. If you want to apologize, I'll listen." She glanced down the hallway again, a nervous energy coursing through her. She didn't really want to hear another word from him, apology or not. "What happened with Elliot…you need to talk to him." She pushed at the door one more time, but Sam still didn't move. Her anger flared, and she shot him a pointed look. "I've asked you to leave." She said, the volume of her voice increasing. She tried to rein it in, not wanting to rouse her neighbors to investigate what was going in, but it seemed like anything was getting his attention.

Sam took another step towards her and Olivia's anger ratcheted up again. "You're crossing a big fucking line…" She spat out and she used the palm of her hand to push him in the chest. "And if you don't leave right now…"

"What the hell is going on?" Elliot's voice boomed down the hallway. He'd come up the stairs and heard Olivia's angry voice. He could scarcely believe that Sam was standing in her doorway. He didn't like the proximity of their bodies, and the way Sam's arm was bracing the door. It was clearly an altercation, and he had heard Olivia's last words.

As he got closer, he saw Olivia's eyes connect with his, and he saw the spark of anger there. Sam had pulled his arm off the door, causing the door to crash into Olivia and move her slightly. Sam spun around as Elliot approached, and he could only see red. He grabbed the front of Sam' shirt, bunching it in his hand as he practically dragged Sam towards him. "I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from her!" He yelled angrily.

Sam was pushing against Elliot's chest. "Elliot. Calm down. It's not what you think."

"You don't want to know what I'm thinking right now." Elliot practically growled into Sam's face. He saw the wreckage of Sam's face…the damage he had done. He knew he needed to calm down, but when it came to Olivia…any threat to her…he just couldn't seem to control himself.

Seconds later, Olivia was there, trying to wedge herself between he and Sam. She placed a hand on Elliot's, tugging at it. "Let him go El." She said.

Elliot was confused for a moment. "You're defending him?"

Olivia shook her head. This situation was enough of a mess, and they were already lucky that Sam wasn't going to press any charges. She didn't want to push their luck. "Sam came to apologize, and he was just leaving." She gave Sam a pointed look, and then looked back at Elliot.

Elliot wasn't buying it. He'd see their body language and heard Olivia's voice. "Bullshit." He said, calling her on it.

Olivia tugged at his hand again. "Just let him go." She said tiredly. She thought they had gotten past this. Everything that had happened between her and Elliot had pushed this into the background, and she wanted to keep it there. "Please." She pleaded softly, ignoring Sam and focusing on Elliot.

Elliot softened his grip on Sam, but he kept his eyes on Olivia. He felt his rage start to subside as her eyes pleaded with him to let this go. Olivia nodded as he let go of Sam's shirt completely, but he couldn't help but give him a little shove before his hand left him completely. Olivia took a step back, and Elliot turned his attention back to Sam. He jabbed a finger in his direction. "I wasn't fucking around when I told you to stay away from her."

"I was coming over to apologize." Sam said, eyeing Elliot warily before he glanced over at Olivia.

"Pick up the goddamn phone." Elliot said, even thought his preference was for Sam to have no contact whatsoever.

"I was hoping we could talk Elliot. I wanted to tell Olivia that I was sorry…that I never intended to…"

"Assault her?" Elliot filled in, his voice full of derision.

"I didn't assault her!" Sam said hotly, but he shrunk back as Elliot gave him a menacing look.

Olivia didn't know what she was going to do if this came to blows again; there was no way she was going to be able to diffuse this situation with how heated everyone was.

"Hey! What's going on here?" Olivia had been so focused on the argument between the two men standing in front of her, that she hadn't heard anyone come out of their apartment, but when she turned to look, she saw two uniforms had come around the corner. They stopped several yards away, eyeing the group nervously, and Olivia groaned inwardly. One of her neighbors must have called the police. Which was absolutely ridiculous because they _knew_ she was a cop.

Olivia put her hands out in front of her. "We're cops. From the 1-6." She said calmly. "Everything's fine."

"Ma'am. Step away from the men." They instructed. "You. In the blue shirt." They said, speaking to Elliot. "Put your hands where I can see them and take a few steps backward."

Olivia watched as Elliot shot a glance over at her, but he complied, turning towards them with his hands slightly in the air. He knew as well a she did that they had to be cautious until they could prove that they were who they said they were. Olivia glanced over at Sam, and knew that with his obvious injuries, they probably wondered what the hell was going on.

It was a few minutes more before Elliot was able to show them his badge, and they were able to apologize for the noise they'd been making. There was a tense moment when Olivia thought that maybe they were going to escort Elliot out, but then the officers were giving them a warning to take it inside and keep it down.

Once they had left, Elliot turned towards Sam. "I'm going to walk you out of here." He said pointedly, giving Sam no opportunity to argue with him.

Olivia watched as they walked down the hallway and disappeared down the stairs, knowing they couldn't be far behind the uniforms. She slipped back into her apartment and let the door close, resting her back against the solid surface. She realized now that she was shaking slightly…adrenaline coursing through her body and she still felt unsettled.

She couldn't believe how quickly things had changed since she'd walked to the door with a big smile on her face, anticipating more kisses from Elliot. The mood had shifted, Elliot was clearly angry, and things felt off-kilter now.

She slid down to the floor, feeling deflated…dejected.

Suddenly, the day didn't look so promising anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

Olivia tried to let her anger go, knowing Elliot would be back in a few minutes. He had enough anger for both of them. She wanted to purge everything that had happened this morning from her mind, in hopes that she could diffuse Elliot's anger, and they could get past it and enjoy their morning.

She knew that wasn't likely, but she could hope.

She braced her arms against the kitchen counter and stretched, taking in deep breathes and exhaling slowly. Her eyes landed on the plates and silverware, and she wondered about the breakfast Elliot had supposedly been bringing. She stood up, and looked at her watch, wondering how long it had been since Elliot had walked Sam downstairs.

It had to have been at least ten minutes.

Olivia moved towards the door and opened it slightly, wondering if she should go downstairs and see what was happening. Elliot wouldn't appreciate her intrusion, but she was worried things were getting out of hand again.

She sighed and closed the door again, deciding against checking up on him. Another ten minutes or so had passed before she heard a soft knock on the door. She still had a sick feeling in her stomach. It was a far cry from the excited anticipation she'd felt this morning when she had first gone to answer the door.

Elliot knocked on the door again, trying to be quiet since it seemed the neighbors were on high alert. He didn't know why Olivia wasn't answering, and he was concerned because he didn't know the extent of what had happened this morning; he only had Sam's version of events. He was about to try the doorknob when the door swung open.

"You OK?" he blurted out, looking her up and down, even though he knew her altercation with Sam hadn't been physical. His eyes locked on hers and she nodded.

"I'm fine." She said quickly. She could see the concern in his eyes. "I'm fine." She saw a crumpled white paper sack in his fist, and she motioned towards it. "Is that the breakfast you promised me?"

Elliot knew that she was trying to take the focus off of what happened with Sam, and he was about to call her on it, but then he saw the almost pleading look in her eyes. He knew it could wait. He lifted the bag. "I'm afraid it's a bit of a mess. I dropped it when I came upstairs…"

Olivia reached out and wrapped her hand around his forearm, tugging him towards her. "Let's take a look." The knot in her stomach started to ease a little bit when she realized Elliot wasn't going to force a discussion. She was anxious to know what happened after the two of them had left her, but they needed to let the tension about the situation subside.

Elliot followed her into the kitchen and watched as she set the bag down on the counter. He debated coming up behind her and settling an arm on either side of her, but right now, that seemed inappropriate right now. He didn't know how she would react. He settled for turning around and leaning against the counter next to her, watching as she peered into the bag.

Olivia saw broken cartons with eggs and sausage spilling out of them, and wild berries scattered amidst the wreckage. She glanced up at Elliot and raised her eyebrows. "I don't think this is really salvageable."

"Sorry."

"That's OK."

"Maybe we can make breakfast." Elliot said, pushing himself off the counter and reaching for the door of her refrigerator. As he pulled open the door, Olivia twisted around to face him.

"I don't think that's going to be an option." Olivia said as she watched Elliot pick up her almost empty egg carton.

Elliot laughed and closed the door, turning to face her. "Well, I promised you breakfast, so I suppose now I'll have to take you out."

He saw a small smile grace her lips and he was overwhelmed with the need to kiss her. He tried to suppress it, but then she reached out and placed her hands on his forearms, pulling him slightly towards her. He obliged, resting one hand on either side of her, gripping the counter.

"Or…" Olivia said. Her eyes dropped down to his lips, and everything that had happened this morning was forgotten. "We could order in."

Elliot loved the sultry tone of her voice…it was the same tone he'd heard on the phone the night before. He'd seen Olivia dressed up to play the part for various undercover operations, but he'd never had those sultry tones…those sensual looks…aimed at him. He imagined there was a whole side of Olivia he'd never even seen. He was getting a peek of it right now, and on top of what had been fueled by their earlier kisses, he knew he was in trouble. It would be a constant battle to keep his hands to himself. "I like the way you think." He said, giving her a smile of his own. He leaned in more closely, raising one eyebrow, asking for permission.

Olivia saw his intent. She reached up and placed her hand on his jaw, moving towards him and pressing her lips against his. Elliot moved closer and grasped her lips more firmly, sliding one hand into her hair and cupping the back of her head. It was only moments before he deepened the kiss, and they were right back where they'd left off the night before. It was an immediate ache…an overwhelming need…that was coursing through her, and she wondered if she'd ever be able to kiss him and not feel this desperate to have all of him.

Olivia broke the kiss, her lips just barely brushing his as she whispered his name.

Elliot heard his name on her lips…the raw emotion of it…and his body's response was damn near immediate. Everything they had agreed to last night, about waiting and taking things slowly, all seemed ridiculous now.

Thinking they had any control…would ever have any control…was insane.

One night apart hadn't done anything to quench the fire that lurked beneath the surface, and all the sexual tension…all the anticipation…made the intensity almost unbearable.

Olivia slid the palms of her hands up his outer arms, hearing the whisper of her skin against the material of his shirt and feeling the hard bulge of his muscles beneath and she whispered his name again, her voice full of longing.

"Breakfast." Elliot said quietly, mustering every ounce of strength he had…giving her a moment to think about what was happening.

"Fuck breakfast." Olivia said, moments before she slipped her hands to his waist and pulled his body against hers.

Elliot couldn't help but let out a moan as his lower half connected with hers and her soft breasts pushed into the wall of his chest. Her lips were still ghosting lightly over hers and her heated breaths were driving him insane. His mind was still reeling over her words and was trying to keep up with his body.

"I don't want to wait." She whispered, teasing his bottom lip with her tongue. She knew she was playing with fire…that she was tempting him beyond all reasonable measure…but any thoughts of waiting were long gone. They had waited for what seemed like a lifetime.

Olivia's words pushed him over the edge. He pressed his body more firmly against hers, pinning her to the counter. He knew she'd be able to feel his erection against thigh, but it didn't matter anymore. He didn't need to hide his desire for her any longer. He laced his fingers in her hair again and forced her mouth open with his, driving his tongue into her mouth. He kissed her hard, with all the longing that had been pent up over the years. He was relentless, but she kissed him back with equal intensity. He had always known that they'd be equals in this dance, that their passion would be like their partnership. A give and take…a push and pull.

Small moans were escaping from the back of her throat, and it was spurring him on. He wanted to touch every part of her body…taste her…see that luscious body stretched out beneath him.

The thought of it sent a fresh rush of heat through his body. Everything that had been forbidden was a tangible reality now, but he knew his impatience would be his undoing. There would only be one first time with Olivia. He wanted to savor every moment.

Elliot pulled his body from hers, and she elicited a moan of protest as she tried to pull him back against her. He reached for her hands and clasped them in between their bodies. "Liv." He said, his voice deep and husky…his tortured breathing matching hers.

Olivia heard a plethora of emotions in the way he said her name, but only one question. "I don't want to wait." She repeated, looking him squarely in the eye. "I want this. I have for as long as I can remember…" The confession slipped from her lips, but she didn't care. He had to know…he had to have always known. Elliot eyes moved back and forth between hers, and she could see that his mind and his body were warring with each other. Maybe it was just fear…the same fears they had voiced before.

Olivia pulled one hand from his grasp and reached up, running her fingers lightly along his jaw. "We can't run away from this anymore."

She saw the moment he'd made up his mind, and a slow smile spread across his face.

Elliot heard the permission she was giving him, and he knew it was pointless to try to resist. She was right. He leaned in close, until his lips were grazing her earlobe. He bit down lightly. "I want you." He whispered, and he felt her body tremble slightly. He dropped her hand, and reached up, tracing his fingers along the soft skin of her neck and down her collarbone, back and forth…a slow tease. "I've dreamt about this moment. This is a fantasy coming true, and I'm going to enjoy every touch…every taste."

His tone…his hot breath…his lips and teeth on her ear…his fingers lightly dancing against her skin…it made her skin flush and she could feel her heart beating so hard, he had to feel it. She waited in anticipation, wondering what he'd do or say next…until she couldn't stand it anymore. "Stop talking." She said breathlessly.

Elliot laughed, but then buried his face in her neck. Kissing and biting and teasing the skin there. He knew he was marking her…that she'd bear the signs of this in the morning…but that was ok by him. She was his now…and he didn't care who knew it.

He had no doubt she'd do the same once she got her mouth on him. The thought of that made his body throb.

Elliot was making her writhe beneath him and she needed him to move his hands. The next thing she knew, his hands were at her waist and had slipped beneath the material of her t-shirt. He spread his hand against her skin, sliding them up to her ribs. They felt huge against her body, and she shuddered as he ran his thumbs lightly over her skin. She placed her hands against his biceps and squeezed, reveling in his strength and power. "Take me to bed." She moaned.

Elliot lifted his mouth back to hers and kissed her roughly, before he let his hands slide back down her body. He held the kiss as he pulled her away from the counter, and she didn't fight him as he lifted her up. Olivia wrapped her legs around his waist, and her arms around his neck and kissed him with such intensity that he thought he might not be able to take things as slowly as he wanted.

The banged into the sofa table, and Olivia heard pictures scattering on the floor, and then Elliot banged his shoulder into the bedroom doorframe, almost dropping her. But moments later, he had reached her bed, and she slid her feet to the floor, breaking the kiss. Her hands went to his belt, unbuckling it and tugging at the stubborn leather as she tried to pull it off. "Fuck it." She said, going for the button of his jeans, but Elliot placed his hand over hers, stilling her.

She looked up at him with a question in her eyes, but he just smirked at her and shook his head. "Me first." He didn't give her time to argue; he just reached for the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it up and over her head before she could say a word. He saw the white lace of her bra…the deep v of her cleavage…and his erection throbbed painfully.

Olivia felt a sudden onset of nerves. She wasn't shy about her body…never had been. But this was _Elliot._ It was just a little unnerving to have him staring so boldly at her. "Wait." She said before she could stop the word from coming out of her mouth.

Elliot lifted his hands from her body, wondering if she was putting a stop to all of this, but he saw the look on her face. This was all just so overwhelming, but he could see the flush in her body…had felt the intensity of her desire in her kisses. He hadn't given her much of a chance to breath…to take it all in…to have any control. "I know." He said lightly. He reached down and pulled his shirt off, baring his chest. He lifted her hands and pressed them against his skin, urging her to explore. She stared at her hands for a moment, but then she was running her fingers along the ridges of his muscles, trailing them down to the waistband of his jeans. Her mouth soon followed, and she placed, hot, open-mouthed kisses in all the places her hands had been. Before he knew it, she was on her knees, and had tucked her fingers into the waistband of his jeans.

Elliot reached down and tangled his fingers lightly in her hair. "Liv." He said heavily. He had given her permission to explore…to take control…but he wasn't going to be able to handle her mouth on him.

"Relax." She said, looking up at him through her lashes. She tugged slightly at his jeans, but then lifted one hand from it's hold on the waistband. She slid up his body, brushing his erection with her breasts as she kissed her way back up his body. It was so fucking incredible…the man was hard all over.

Olivia grasped his lips with hers again, moaning into his mouth. She smoothed her hand over his erection, and his entire body jolted. Olivia couldn't help but clench her legs together as she outlined the shape of him with her fingers. He was like granite…long and thick…and the thought of him burying himself inside of her almost made her come.

Elliot couldn't handle any more of her ministrations. He put his hands on her arms and pushed her back slightly, forcing her hand to drop. He reached for her leggings, but Olivia slapped his hands away.

"Take your jeans off." She said roughly.

Elliot looked at her in confusion, but he saw the challenge in her eyes and the small smile on her face. "You like being in charge?" He teased.

Olivia shrugged. "Sometimes." She said. She ran her hands down over her breasts and then back up again, toying with the straps. She saw Elliot's eyes follow her hands. "How about you lose those jeans, and I'll do a little striptease for you?"

Elliot swallowed hard. _Did Olivia just offer to strip for him?_ He hoped to God he wasn't dreaming all of this because if he was, he was going to be really pissed off. He didn't waste another minute. He got his jeans off and for good measure, he lost his boxer briefs too.

He heard a sharp intake of breath from Olivia as his erection was bared, but then she bit down on her bottom lip and it took all of his control not to throw her down on the bed in that very moment. She would be the death of him. Mustering all of his control, he walked over to the bed, forcing her to turn around to face him. "My turn." He said, his voice deep with lust.

Olivia had wanted to tease him…really draw this out, but the ache between her legs was almost unbearable right now. She reached behind her and unclasped her bra, covering her breasts with one arm as the white satin and lace fell to the floor.

Elliot was clenched in anticipation as she dropped her arm, and he took in the sight of her. He had stared at her more time than he could even count from across the desk, imagining…wondering. "Jesus…" He muttered. Her breasts were large and firm…her nipples dusky and pebbled…and he wanted to touch her…feel the weight of them in his hands. But he saw her reaching for the waistband of her leggings. As she shrugged them down over her hips, she turned, giving him a view of her ass, and he realized she wasn't wearing any underwear. Her moves were slow…purposefully torturous…and he couldn't stifle the groan that erupted from deep inside of him. She turned to face him and started to move towards him, but he held up his hand. "Let me look at you."

Olivia felt herself blush as his eyes trailed down her body. She knew she had done the same to him, but for some reason, she felt vulnerable standing there. Maybe because with other men…it had been all about lust…a physical need. She didn't really care what they thought of her. And even though she'd have many men tell her she was beautiful, she never really heard them. But Elliot…

She held her breath.

"Come here." He said softly, reaching for her.

Olivia complied, coming to a stop when her legs bumped into his knees. Elliot placed his hands lightly at her waist, and slid them down to her waist, his fingers just whispering against her skin. He widened his legs slightly and pulled her slightly closer to her. He placed a light kiss against her rib, and then a smattering of kisses along her abdomen. Her muscles contracted slightly beneath his lips, and she felt like she could barely breathe.

Elliot slid his hand around to the small of her back, and then down over her ass…exploring the expanses of smooth, dark skin with his hands and his mouth. He sat back slightly, and looked up at her, lifting his hands to the swell of her breasts. He saw her lips were parted, and she was taking slow, shallow breaths, and the only thing he could think was that she was absolutely breath taking. She closed her eyes as he ran his hands over her breasts, and he took them in his hands, squeezing…teasing…but only for a moment. One hand fell to her waist, and he slipped the other between her inner thighs, sliding them upwards until he felt her heat…felt how wet she was.

Olivia dropped her head back and moaned. His slow exploration of his body was killing her, and yet, the reverent way in which he was touching her made her feel so loved. She opened her eyes as she felt Elliot's hands on her hips again, and he was guiding her to the bed. As she lay down, he climbed up over her body, and stared down into her eyes.

"You take my breath away." Elliot whispered. He captured her lips with his, and it was soft and slow. He needed her to know this wasn't just sex. That despite the way his body ached for her…he wanted to make love to her. He needed her to _know_.

Olivia saw the emotion in Elliot's eyes as he broke the kiss, and she felt tears brimming on her lower lashes. "No one has ever made me feel like this." She whispered. "No one." She reached up and cupped his jaw in her hand. "I love you Elliot."

The admission surprised him, but she had said it with conviction, and he could hear the truth behind it. "I love you Olivia." He lowed his lips to hers once again, and they were lost to each other.


	12. Chapter 12

Olivia was curled up on the couch, scarcely able to believe that the past few hours with Elliot was real. But the marks on her skin, her swollen lips and the soreness between her legs were all tangible proof that it had been very real.

She couldn't bite back a small smile as she thought about Elliot's lavish attention…his slow and sensual love-making…his whispered appreciation of all that she offered up to him. She had always imagined that if they ever got to this point, their years of pent-up frustration would ensure a wild, rushed tryst…their impatience getting the better of them. But he'd had other ideas. There were times that she urged him on, but he'd reassured her that this first time would be memorable, and he didn't disappoint. She had surrendered to him completely, and his exploration of her body had left her weak and trembling. He had brought her to the brink time and time again, sometimes denying her release, and other times, playing her body until she nearly screamed with the intensity of it all.

As Olivia lay in Elliot's arms, physically exhausted and completely sated…she realized that before today, she'd only ever had sex. No man had ever made love to her. And she knew it was the emotional connection between she and Elliot that had driven the intensity and depth. There had been no proclamations of love between them, but it had been the unspoken truth between them in that moment before Elliot had slipped inside of her for the first time.

The memory of it sent another rush through her body, and she closed her eyes briefly, wondering if it was always going to be like this.

Olivia silently chastised herself. She didn't know where all of this was going to lead.

No promises had been made.

They had simply lost themselves in the moment.

If she thought about it, she should be surprised that it had happened like this. They'd kept their most innermost desires at bay for a long time, holding on tightly to the unspoken rules that had been established. There had been other, more difficult times, when it would have been so much easier to give in, and yet they hadn't.

And yet, today, despite everything that had happened and all the drama with Sam…they had fallen.

She knew she'd go crazy if she tried to figure out why.

In fact, she had promised herself that she would try not to overthink it at all. Her tendency to overanalyze every little thing never served her well.

Right now, she just wanted to enjoy this feeling.

Olivia looked towards the bedroom, wondering how long Elliot would sleep. They had laid intertwined, exhausted but happy. Elliot's fingers had traced patterns against the skin of her bare back as their bodies had cooled and their breathing had slow, but it hadn't taken long for him to fall asleep. She had tried to sleep, but despite her own exhaustion, her mind wouldn't let her rest. When Elliot had fallen into a deeper sleep, she had slid from between his arms and gotten up, throwing on a robe and situating herself on the couch with a big quilt and a bottle of water.

A hot shower would be absolutely delicious right now, but she didn't want to wake him.

A part of her was hopeful that when he woke up, they could pick up where they left off. The yearning for him was always going to be there, a slow flame that could be rekindled with simply a light touch…a kiss…a memory. She could feel it now, building in her belly as she thought about the ways Elliot had touched her…kissed her.

"Hey."

Olivia had been so lost in thought that she startled at the sound of Elliot's voice. She turned her head and saw him walking out of her bedroom. He had thrown on his jeans again, but he was bare-chested, and she couldn't resist letting her eyes roam over his body. When they trailed back up, so saw the marks she had made on his body, and she knew she wouldn't be able to lodge any complaints about those he'd left on hers.

When her eyes connected with his, she saw the smirk on his face. Elliot gripped the back of the couch and leaned over, grasping her lips with his and kissing her. When he released her mouth, he grinned. "Morning."

"It's afternoon." Olivia corrected him with a small smile.

"Whatever." Elliot said. He walked around the couch, and let himself fall into it, stretching himself out on his back, looking back at her. Olivia shifted her legs and stretched them out, so her feet were resting on the coffee table, and Elliot rested his head in her lap. He tilted his head back slightly and looked up at her. "You left me."

"I've never been one to cuddle."

"Yeah, but…this is me. And I don't want to wake up alone."

"Well, you should know by now that I'm not always going to give you what you want."

Elliot raised his eyebrows at her, as if posing a challenge, and Olivia smiled.

"I think I can get you to give me what I want." Elliot said, his voice dripping with innuendo. He reached up and slid his fingers down edge the silky material, where the front of her robe crossed. His fingers grazed bare skin, and he saw goosebumps break out along her skin.

Olivia pushed his hand away. "I'm not that easy." She said with a laugh, knowing that in this moment, she was putty in his hands. But he didn't know that…and she didn't want to feed his ego.

 _Not that the man didn't have a reason for it_.

The random though made her skin flush again, and she knew that her bodies reaction to his touch and her thoughts were betraying her.

He confirmed that with a small, knowing smile on his face.

Elliot could see Olivia peaked nipples through the thin material of her robe; a clear reaction to his proximity and his teasing. He turned his body so that he was laying on his stomach, happy that she wasn't showing any signs of regret from earlier. He toyed with the sash of her robe, loosening it slightly as he pulled the robe open slightly, uncovering her left breast. He pushed himself up slight, teasing her nipple with his tongue as he slid his left hand between her thighs. Olivia drew in a sharp breath as he bit down lightly, and he felt her tense up as he slid his hand higher up on her thigh. But a moment later, she relaxed into it, opening her legs slightly, and he couldn't help but smile against her skin. He wanted to call her on her _not easy_ comment but didn't want that to work against him.

He slid his hand up farther, feeling her heat. She was accommodating, and he took her breast into his mouth more fully as he slid his fingers through her folds. He groaned as he slid his fingers down to her entrance, feeling her body move to meet him eagerly. He released her breast and slid off the couch, moving to kneel before her.

Olivia lifted her head and looked at Elliot, about to object, but he had a mischievous gleam in his eyes and _God_ , she wanted to feel his mouth against her. His tongue had triggered a mind-blowing orgasm earlier and she could feel wetness pooling between her legs at the thought of it. She dropped her head back and closed her eyes, and she felt Elliot pull her robe apart completely and spread her legs with his hands. A moment later, he had hooked his hands behind her knees and was dragging her body down slightly, and then she felt his hand on her abdomen. She could feel his hot breath on her core, and couldn't stop her body from arching upwards, aching for contact.

Elliot loved the way her body reacted to him. This was the culmination of every fantasy he'd ever had.

He was going to make sure he didn't disappoint…

EOEOEOEO

Olivia sat across the booth from Elliot, trying hard to keep the smile off her face.

It was hopeless.

Today had been…more than she could ever have imagined. When she thought back to all the ways this could have happened, this hadn't been it. She hadn't imagined the raw, animal lust that thickened her blood, or the slow, sensual way in which Elliot played her body…or the amazing intimacy that could exist between them. She'd thought they'd had a connection before, but now…

"You know…" Elliot said, reaching across the table and snagging her hand. "There was a time when I thought maybe if we just…" He leaned over and lowered his voice. "had sex one time that somehow, we'd get it out of our system. The what if's…" He sat up. "That was years ago, but it makes me laugh now."

Olivia raised an eyebrow, but she didn't say anything. She liked this side of Elliot; liked to hear his confessions. "And now?" She asked.

"Now? I know I was a fucking idiot." He'd said it louder than he intended, and he glanced around quickly. Olivia had been nervous about going out together in public like this, but he had assured her that they'd go someplace close, a spot that no one they knew was known to hang out at, and that he'd keep it low-key, so he didn't draw attention to them.

Olivia stifled a small laugh, covering her mouth with her hand.

"What's so funny? That I thought that or that I called myself an idiot."

Olivia cocked her head slightly. "Both I guess."

"You knew all along." Elliot said. Olivia had always been the smarter of the two of them, and if he was honest with himself, she was most likely the reason it had taken this long.

"That you're an idiot?" She teased.

Elliot leaned back in the both slightly and laughed. "Funny."

They conversation ended there because the waitress came to deliver their meals.

Olivia's stomach grumbled as the plate was set in front of her. She hadn't eaten yet today, and she couldn't even begin to guess how many calories she'd burned today.

"It's dinnertime." Elliot said. "And you ordered breakfast."

"Well, you promised me breakfast this morning, and I didn't get it so…" Olivia shrugged. "Looks like I have to take care of myself."

Elliot leaned over again, cocking one eyebrow. "I took care of you." He said, his voice deep and laden with innuendo. He sat back against the bench, grabbing a fly off his plate. "But if you'd rather have eggs…"

"Stop." Olivia said, feeling herself flush as images of just how he'd taken care of her came unbidden.

"I'm just sayin'…" He snagged another fry.

Olivia laughed, loving the teasing tone in his voice. "Let's just agree that at some point, we have to eat. We need the energy."

Elliot smiled. "That's something I can agree to."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia sat down in one of the chairs in Cragen's office, and right away, she knew they were in trouble. Their body language was all wrong, and she knew then that it had been wishful thinking when they agreed they could feel Cragen into believing nothing had changed between them.

"Does someone want to tell me what's going on?" Cragen asked, looking between the two of them.

Olivia knew he'd been patient. He could have hauled them into his office right after the incident with Sam, but he'd given them some time. Why, she wasn't sure. She and Elliot had discussed that very fact but they both agreed that it was best not to volunteer too much information. She was about to respond when Elliot chimed in.

"What do you mean?"

Olivia saw that Cragen wasn't particularly happy with Elliot's question, and he narrowed his eyes. "Don't play games with me." he said.

"It was just a misunderstanding." Olivia offered before Elliot could dig them in deeper. She glanced over at Elliot and she could see the redness creeping up his neck. "Elliot and Sam had a disagreement and things got out of hand."

"Some reason Elliot can't speak for himself?" Cragen asked.

Olivia clamped her mouth shut, realizing she'd just made another mistake. Even though they spoke for each other often enough, she'd made it obvious that they were trying to gloss over something.

"Cap'n." Elliot said, avoiding eye contact with Olivia. "It's like Liv said. We got into an argument and it…"

"Cut the bullshit." Cragen said. "We have eye witnesses that said you came in, you talked for a couple of minutes and then you cold-cocked him. It took three men to pull you off him."

Olivia saw Cragen's eyes lock on her for a moment, and then he turned to look at Elliot again.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that somehow, this had something to do with you." He said, directing his attention back to Olivia.

She looked over at Elliot and she saw Elliot look back at her. As she turned back to Cragen, but before she or Elliot could say a word, he held up his hand. "It was somewhat of a rhetorical question." Cragen dropped his hand. He let out a heavy sigh, and Olivia looked down at her clasped hands. She could feel Elliot's eyes boring into her, but she resisted the urge to look back at him.

Cragen continued. "I guess he isn't going to press charges, so you're off the hook there. No one's going to prosecute. But you're still going to have to answer to IAB. You may get a rip for it, and there's not much I can do about that…"

His voice trailed off, and Elliot knew he was waiting to see if they wanted to fill in the missing pieces. He knew that explaining everything that had happened probably wouldn't get him off the hook anyway, so there was no reason to force Olivia to tell IAB or Cragen what had happened. "I'll talk to IAB." He said.

"OK then." Cragen said, leaning back in his chair.

Olivia breathed out a sigh of relief, ready to push herself out of her chair and escape Cragen's gaze. It was unnerving, the way he looked back and forth between both of them, as if waiting for one of them to break.

He'd known them long enough to know that they weren't going to volunteer any kind of information. They had covered for each other for a long time; that wasn't about to change now. She glanced over at Elliot and could see he was thinking the same thing…they were almost home free.

"But before the two of you go…I think it's maybe time we had a conversation about your partnership…and your relationship."

Olivia's eyes connected with Elliot's, and she saw the same shocked expression in them before he recovered.

 _Damn._ So close…


	13. Chapter 13

_Just a reminder where we left off…_

"But before the two of you go…I think it's maybe time we had a conversation about your partnership…and your relationship."

Olivia's eyes connected with Elliot's, and she saw the same shocked expression in them before he recovered.

 _Damn._ So close…

Elliot kept his eyes locked on Olivia's trying to read what was going through her mind right now. They hadn't talked about the repercussions of this change in their relationship. It had seemed too soon to discuss anything beyond what was happening right now.

How naïve they'd been.

Cragen had known them for a long time, and they obviously weren't as clever as they thought they were.

He saw Olivia look back at Cragen, and he wondered if she was going to speak for both of them, or if she was going to leave it up to him. The silence had dragged on for what seemed like an uncomfortable amount of time, and he opened his mouth, having no idea what he was going to say, when Cragen jumped in.

"I don't want to know the details." Cragen said, raising one hand in a defensive gesture. "It doesn't really matter." He let out a sigh as he dropped his hand. "I just know that I've let this go on way too long…I've looked the other way because as a team…there's no one out there that can beat the two of you. I've put the victims first, and as much as I'd like to keep doing that, I feel like we've reached a point where it's just not feasible for the two of you to work together." He looked pointedly at Olivia and then at Elliot, as if giving them a moment to tell him he was wrong.

Elliot glanced quickly over at Olivia, and he could see she had dropped her eyes down to her hands, which were clasped tightly in her lap. She obviously wasn't going to challenge Cragen, so neither would he. They would accept being split up; they'd had a good run as partners. Their personal relationship was what mattered now, and he'd gladly work with Fin or Munch if it meant he could share his nights with Olivia.

"You've got some options." Cragen said. "I've made a few calls…without mentioning any names."

"What?" Elliot asked with a shocked tone, as he slid forward in his seat. "What are you talking about?" He assumed they'd be split up as partners, but they'd both get to stay in SVU. But the way Cragen was talking, it sounded like he was suggesting one of them would be leaving. He looked over at Olivia and saw the same panicked look in her eyes.

"I'm telling you that I don't think the two of you can work together anymore." Cragen said, somewhat impatiently.

"Yeah, but I thought you meant you were going to split us up as partners." Elliot stood up. "I didn't think one of us would have to leave the squad." He glanced back at Olivia, and he could see the expression on her face hadn't changed.

"Sit down." Cragen said. "And lower your voice."

Elliot stood for a moment longer, a myriad of thoughts going through his mind, but he finally reclaimed his seat, waiting to hear what else Cragen would say. There was a part of him that hoped Cragen had been bluffing, and that he'd give them some options for staying in the unit…with conditions of course.

"Cap'n." Olivia started. "Neither one of us wants to leave. I can partner with Fin…"

"It's not an option." Cragen interrupted. "Even if you're not partners, you'd still be working together on lots of cases, and I just can't…"

He paused and Elliot wondered what he was struggling to say.

"Why do you think I waited so long?" Cragen said, his voice quiet as he shook his head. "I don't want to lose either of you, but you've left me no choice. I've let it go as long as I can."

Elliot looked over at Olivia, wondering what she was thinking once again. If she had known that one of them would have to leave the unit, would she have made the same choices? When they left here today, would she tell him that she had changed her mind, and that they had to preserve their jobs…their partnership.

"What if…" Olivia let the words hang there, but Elliot could hear there was no conviction in them.

"You can't put the genie back in the bottle." Cragen replied. "Listen, we don't have to make any decisions today. Both of you have quite a few vacation days accrued. I think it would be a good idea if you took some time off…talk…figure out what you want to do." He stood up. "I'll help you in whatever way I can."

Olivia glanced over at Elliot and then back at Cragen. "How long?"

"You tell me." Cragen said. "A week?"

Olivia sighed. One week hardly seemed like enough time to figure out your entire future. And yet, the longer they had, the longer they'd put off making a decision. She looked and Elliot and then they both nodded. "OK." They said simultaneously.

"Don't forget that you still need to talk to IAB." Cragen said. "But you don't have to tell them anything about this conversation, or your plans? Got it."

Elliot heard what he was saying. They needed to keep it brief, and not divulge too much to IAB. He'd probably been protecting them from IAB for a long time and he knew that both of them should probably be thankful that this hadn't happened before now. Elliot stood back up. "Thanks, Cap'n."

Olivia still looked slightly shocked at what had unfolded, and he knew it was going to be a tough week ahead. He put his hand lightly on Olivia's shoulder. "Let's go." He said softly, and she looked up at him. She nodded and stood up, and he let his hand fall away. He waited until Olivia moved past him towards the door, and started to follow her out, when she stopped and turned back towards the Captain.

"Captain."

Elliot could hear the regret in her voice, and he knew she felt like she had let him down in some way. He knew that's how she was feeling because he felt the same way. He couldn't pinpoint it exactly, knowing he couldn't have changed what happened between he and Olivia.

"It's OK Olivia." Cragen said. "The only thing that's certain in life is change. This should have happened a long time ago."

Olivia gave him a half nod and left the office, and Elliot trailed out behind her.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia sat on one end of the couch, and he sat on the other. They had been quiet most of the way home, both still reeling from the decision that had been handed down by Cragen, and not much had changed since they walked into Olivia's apartment. They had somehow settled here, and Olivia had scrolled through channels disinterestedly until she had landed on some action movie. Elliot supposed she thought it might be distracting, but the volume was too low to hear, and he just found it annoying.

They needed to talk.

"Liv." He waited but she didn't look in his direction. He repeated her name, but she still didn't look at him. Elliot reached over and snatched the remote from where she had dropped it between them on the couch. He turned the TV off. "Olivia."

Olivia let out a sigh and turned her head to face him. "I don't want to talk about this."

"We can't ignore…" Elliot interrupted.

Olivia put up her hand. "I don't want to ignore it. I just need a little time to…" She let out a deep breath. "Just…get used to the idea I guess."

Elliot held her eyes for a moment, and then she turned back towards the television. He sat back, intent on leaving her in the silence she had requested. But he had no idea what was going through her head right now, and it bothered him.

A few minutes had passed, and he knew he couldn't be quiet. "Even if I could, I wouldn't change a thing." He said, and he watched as Olivia cast her eyes downward. She bit down on her lower lip, and he knew she was listening. "I don't have any regrets."

"None?" Her voice wasn't more than a whisper.

Elliot thought about her question. "I guess I do have one regret." Olivia turned and looked at him then, and he saw the surprised look on her face. "I wish we hadn't waited so long. I wish I would have told you…"

"We can't change the past." Olivia said. She didn't need to hear Elliot's romantic musings right now…not when their entire world was being turned upside down.

"OK." Elliot said slowly, hearing the tone of her voice. "But now we have a chance to really have something. Please. Tell me that you see that."

"I know there's no going back." She could hear the steel in her own voice. "It's all just happening so fast." She ran her hand through her hair, tucking it behind her ear, and leaned back on the couch. She looked back at Elliot. "I mean…it seems like a lifetime in some ways. I can barely remember a time when I didn't wish…" She pressed her lips together. "But it was all…" She bit down on her bottom lip. "I didn't expect it would ever happen, so I never really thought about what it would mean. Really mean." She drew in a deep breath. "And then, when we finally…" Her voice trailed off. "I guess at some level, I knew we wouldn't be able to be partners anymore but I didn't expect it to happen this fast."

"And you didn't think one of us would have to leave the squad."

Olivia shook her head. "No."

Elliot pushed himself up off the couch and moved closer to Olivia. He held out his hand. "Come 'ere."

Olivia let Elliot pull her up off the couch, and she melted against him as he wrapped his arms around her. They stood like that for a few moments, and she tried to turn her mind off. She had daydreamed about moments like this for so long; she had to remember that this could be her life.

"Let's get out of here." Elliot whispered as he kissed the crown of her head.

"I'm not really in the mood to go out."

"No. I mean…let's get out of town. Go away someplace where we can just relax and talk and think. Cragen is making us take vacation, so let's go somewhere." He pulled back slightly and place his hands on her shoulders. Olivia was looking up at him like he'd lost his mind, but he pushed forward. "I'm serious. I just need to get out of this city."

"Where would we go?" Olivia had to admit that the idea had appeal. Even when she had a day or two off, she never went anywhere. A trip somewhere sounded great.

"I don't know. A cabin somewhere. Maybe the beach. It doesn't really matter." Olivia was nodding, and he smiled. "I just want to get out of here."

"Some people I know would say that you're running away."

" _We're_ running away."

"OK. _We're_ running away." Olivia said, getting into the spirit.

"OK." Elliot said. "We'll go after I talk to IAB tomorrow." He nodded. "This is going to be great." He said. For some reason, the thought of stealing away with Olivia thrilled him. No distractions. No interruptions. "Just you and me."

"You and me." Olivia said. She liked the sound of that. Elliot leaned in and kissed her.

"Now the only thing we need to figure out is where we're going to go."

"Well, it's not the only thing we need to figure out." Olivia said. She knew that when they came home from their trip, they had to have a plan. Some serious discussion was going to have to happen. But somehow, talking over important life decisions while she was sitting on the beach with a drink in her hand seemed so much better.

"First things first." Elliot said. He slid his hand around the back of her neck. "Now…we have the whole afternoon to kill. Any ideas?"


	14. Chapter 14

Olivia let out a sigh, tilting her head back slightly to capture the sun more fully on her face. It was truly amazing what a little warmth, some sand between your toes and the sound of waves crashing into the shore could do for the mind and body. Of course, the first few days that she and Elliot had spent locked inside the small beach house had done wonders too. They'd had a lot of pent up stress, frustration and downright lust built up that they'd managed to work out, and she couldn't remember a time when she felt so deliciously sore and incredibly relaxed.

"You OK?" Elliot asked, hearing the sighs coming from the lounge chair next to him.

"I'm perfect." Olivia said, never opening her eyes.

Elliot glanced over at Olivia stretched out in her white swimsuit and he reached out, running his hand lightly down her arm. "You certainly are."

Olivia opened her eyes, shading them with her hand, and gave him an eye roll. "Knock it off." She teased. The white swimsuit she was wearing was a one piece, but while she wasn't shy about her body, she felt like she hadn't exposed this much skin in years. She'd seen some wandering eyes as they'd made their way down to the beach and that was the exact reason she didn't. That kind of attention wasn't wanted or needed.

However, Elliot seemed to like it, and with him by her side, there was no way anyone else was going to approach her.

"Do you want some more sunscreen?" Elliot asked, knocking her arm with the bottle.

"No." She said, closing her eyes again and dropping her arm. She had already covered herself quite liberally, and she didn't mind if her skin got a shade or two darker or looked like it was kissed by the sun. She'd spent most of the summer in Manhattan and the only time she saw the sun there was getting in and out of her squad car.

"Did I tell you that I really like that suit?" Elliot asked. Olivia had her eyes closed, so he took another opportunity to let his eyes rove down her prone figure. The white suit could barely contain her breasts, showing plenty of cleavage. The sides weren't cut particularly high, but those legs…

Olivia opened her eyes at that moment, and she saw Elliot's eyes wander lazily back up her body until his eyes connected with hers. He realized he had been caught, but he just gave her a cheeky grin, and she knew exactly what the look in his eyes meant. "You may have mentioned it once or twice." She said with a small laugh. "And I need a day of rest." She added. As much as she loved having sex with Elliot, she needed some sunshine and beach time too. She saw the disappointed look on his face…or at least the sad expression he adopted…and she laughed. "Maybe after dinner, I'll feel like dessert."

Elliot smiled and lay back down on the lounge chair. The one thing he loved about Olivia is that she had the same sex drive as he did. Both of them had taken turns being the initiator, and that was fine with him. "I'll try to rest up then. Conserve my energy." He teased.

Olivia let out a small harrumph.

"What?" Elliot feigned innocence. "You're insatiable." He said. "I'm going to have to go get some vitamins or something to keep up."

"Aren't _you_ the one that just propositioned _me_?" Olivia asked, biting back a small smile.

"I didn't say a word." Elliot said defensively. "I merely commented that I liked your suit."

"You're ridiculous." Olivia said.

"But irresistible." Elliot added, giving her his most charming smile.

Olivia gave him another eyeroll and closed her eyes, turning back towards the sun. But she couldn't keep the smile off her face.

EOEOEOEO

They had managed to spend almost the entire week avoiding the most important conversation of all. Olivia knew it was going to happen today, and she was dreading it. In retrospect, they should have discussed it early, and given themselves the week to adjust to whatever they had agreed on. That would have been the best plan.

Of course, they had never made things easy on themselves.

Elliot came up behind her as she sat at the small breakfast table and placed his hands lightly on her shoulders. "I think we need to talk."

Olivia had given up asking how he was always able to read her mind. "I haven't had enough coffee for this discussion." She wondered how long it had taken him to work up the courage to bring it up.

Elliot lifted his hands and came around the table, sitting in the chair opposite her. "We probably should have talked about this earlier."

Olivia couldn't help but give him a small smile. "Great minds."

Elliot looked confused and she waved it off with a _never mind_.

"So…" Elliot started.

"Let's go sit out on the deck." The cabin they had rented had a small deck that overlooked the beach and the ocean. It was shaded at this time of the morning, but she thought this conversation may be easier with the calming sound of the waves.

Elliot nodded and followed her outside. They each settled in a chair situated on either side of a small table, and they took a moment to stare out at the ocean. Olivia sipped her coffee, and finally turned to look back at Elliot. She saw he was already focused on her. "Have you been thinking about it?" She asked. She knew she had studiously avoided thinking about it all week, distracting herself with anything and everything she could.

Elliot nodded. "You?"

Olivia shrugged, not giving him a definitive answer.

"And?" Elliot prodded.

Olivia furrowed her brow. "Are you leaving this decision up to me?"

"I want to make a decision together." Elliot said. "And…" He added. "I don't want either of us making a decision based on what we think the other person wants or needs."

Olivia heard what he was saying, but she knew they would both be impacted by their perceptions. She nodded slightly, letting him know she understood what he was saying. He waited her out thought, and she knew he wanted to hear what she was thinking. "So…you want to…" She struggled with the right words to define their relationship. Of all that things they hadn't discussed, that was one of them. "Stay together…" She stumbled with her words, seeing Elliot's confused expression. "You and me."

Elliot finally understood what she was trying to say. "Are you serious?" He asked, but he didn't wait for an answer. "You're asking me if I want to be in a relationship with you?" He could barely believe she was asking him that, and he tried to calm the anger simmering beneath the surface. "What do you think we're doing here?" He watched as her eyes dropped to the coffee mug in front of her, and her hands curled around the ceramic. "Look at me." He commanded. He had to repeat himself before she finally lifted her eyes to meet his. "What do you think we're doing here?" He asked again. When she still didn't answer, he tried a different question. "Are you telling me that after all this, that's not what you want?" He steeled himself for her answer, still reeling that he had to even ask the question.

"I just don't want you to feel like you owe me anything." Olivia started. This decision was going to impact everything in their lives. It had been what the very thing they had feared for so long…the reason they had kept thing the way they were for so long. Even though it was the last thing she wanted to happen, she had to give him an out.

Elliot stood up, almost knocking the heavy chair backwards. He clenched his fists as he walked over to the edge of the deck. He gripped the railing, taking a deep breath and exhaling so he could keep his cool.

"Elliot." Olivia knew she had made him angry, but it had been an honest question. Elliot was a man that believed in honor and responsibility. "We fell into bed and this past week had been amazing, but we haven't talked about a future or anything. But you don't owe me anything, and if you want to walk away…" She watched as Elliot turned towards her, but he stayed in place. She could see the red that had crept into his neck and the set of his jaw.

"How could you think that?" He asked. Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but he forged ahead. "What have I done or said that would make you think that I don't want to be with you? Hell, Olivia, all I can see is a great big future rolled out in front of us." He was on a roll now, and although he was never good with words or huge proclamations, he couldn't stop now. He had to make her understand. He grabbed an empty chair and dragged it right next to her, sitting so close their knees banged together. "For so long, I've felt like we were balancing on this tightrope. One wrong move…one wrong word…one touch…and we would tumble off. Plunge ourselves into the unknown. We were so careful not to upset the balance…we both tread so carefully. And for a while, it was fine. It worked. But pretty soon, we were both frustrated with trying to keep ourselves balanced so carefully. And there were so many things that threatened that fragile balance, and it became harder and harder…"

Olivia realized she was holding her breath as the words poured from Elliot's mouth. She wondered how long he had been thinking about this because there was no way this was spontaneous. "Elliot." She said softly, reaching out towards him.

Elliot kept talking, as if he hadn't heard her say his name. "Then Sam…and I didn't think. I just…I just did what I had wanted to do for so long." He reached for her hand then. "I just wanted to hold you and protect you…and the only thing I could think about as I held you for the first time was that finally, something had changed the balance and pushed us off that fucking tightrope."

Elliot released her hand, and sat back, all of his emotions brimming on the surface. He couldn't read Olivia's face right now…and he didn't know if that was good or bad. He didn't know what she was going to say.

Olivia watched Elliot, and she could see he was bracing himself. "I told you before that I wasn't going anywhere." She said softly. "I just needed you to know that if you had changed your mind…"

"I haven't." Elliot said quickly. He waited a beat before he continued. "So, all that stuff I said…" He kind of felt like a fool at having spewed out all the crazy thoughts he'd had bottled up for so long.

"Don't." Olivia said as she lifted her hand from beneath his and intertwined her fingers with his. She knew he was embarrassed by it. "Everything you said…it was all true. When I think back…you described it perfectly."

"So…" Elliot squeezed her fingers. "You and me."

Olivia smiled. "You and me."

They sat there for a few moments, both staring at their intertwined hands. Finally, Elliot lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. He looked up at her as he lowered their conjoined hands. "I'm going to leave SVU."

"What? No." Olivia said.

"It's what I want." Elliot said. Olivia was shaking her head as he continued. "I've been in SVU longer than you, and I've seen enough."

"You're just saying that because you think I want to stay." Olivia said.

"I'm not." Elliot said. He hadn't realized that he had made the decision but as soon as he said it, he realized it was what he really wanted. The moment he said it, he had another epiphany. "You know that you can leave too, if you want. No one said that one of us have to stay." He watched a myriad of expressions cross her face. "Maybe you should. Maybe it's time."

Olivia sat back, pulling her hand from his. She couldn't imagine leaving SVU, and it was one of the reasons she had avoided thinking of it all week. She'd been there for a long time. She liked putting rapists and pedophiles away. She felt fulfilled getting justice for the victims. It was all such a big part of who she was that she was scared to find out what she'd be without the job.

But now, Elliot had planted the seed and it was as if he'd given her permission to think about a life outside SVU.

"You don't have to leave." Elliot said, seeing he had shaken her. "But I'm out."

"So, this is us talking about it?" Olivia asked, her mind swirling. She had expected a debate…discussions about pros and cons. Not a decision. Not options.

"I guess I just realized that I'm done." He let out a sigh. "I should have done this a long time ago. Then we wouldn't have had to wait."

"We said we weren't going to look backwards."

"You're right." He leaned back. "Maybe I'll even retire. Pick up some private work."

"You'd leave the NYPD?" Olivia asked, even more surprised than she had been before.

"Why not?" He asked. He leaned forward again. "I've got my numbers. I wouldn't start pulling my pension, but I could do something else. Work normal hours. Work when I want." The more he talked about it, the better it sounded. He had never really given any thought to leaving, but he realized that was mostly because he had never been able to conceive of leaving _her_.

"I don't know if I can leave…" Olivia said softly, looking out towards the ocean. "I don't feel like I'm done."

"That's OK." Elliot said as Olivia turned back to look at him. "If I'm going to leave, you don't have to." Even though he realized he didn't want her out on the streets without him, he had to respect her decision and learn to live with it. "You'll know when the time is right."

"I don't know if I can do this job without you." Olivia said.

"Sure you can." Elliot rested his hand on her knee. "You've done the job without me plenty of times."

"This is different." It was permanent. Not a vacation or a random day off. "I don't know if I want to."

Elliot squeezed her knee. "Listen. We told Cragen we'd come back and let him know which one of us was going to leave. We can go back and tell him that it's going to be me. I probably won't be able to leave right away because he'll want to get a replacement. That'll give you some time to think about what you want to do." He slid his hand down the outside of her arm. "And maybe you won't know in two weeks. Maybe you won't know in two months. You'll just have to take it day-by-day, and maybe you decide you want to stay. And if you decide you want to leave…you can do that too. There's no time limit now."

"When did you get so smart?" Olivia asked, feeling a small smile play on her lips.

"I've always been this smart. I've just been hiding it." He teased.

"Obviously." Olivia teased.

Elliot grinned and let out a growl. "You're going to pay for that." He leaned over and put his hands on her waist, burying his mouth in her neck and nipping at her skin.

Olivia let out a laugh as she let her head fall backwards, baring her neck to him. "Promises. Promises."


	15. Chapter 15

_Six months later…_

Olivia closed her apartment door as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake Elliot. She slipped her shoes off, and then padded into the kitchen, setting her gun, badge and cell phone on the counter. Her phone lit up with a message from Fin, letting her know that their suspect had signed his confession, and that he was on his way to Rikers. She sent him a quick reply, thanking him for the update. The moment the message was sent, the current time flashed up on the screen.

2:35AM.

She knew that it had probably taken everything in Elliot not to check in on her tonight. He never said as much, but she could tell from the relief in his face every time she came home from her shift. On nights like this…when the only thing she could do is send a quick text to say she'd be late…she knew his anxiety was even worse. Nothing good ever happened after 10PM. At least, not when you're on duty with the NYPD.

Olivia could hear him snoring lightly and she smiled. Some days she was still surprised to wake up with him next to her. From the moment they had left the beach house, they had pretty much been living together. They hadn't discussed it. Elliot had simply come home with her, and sometime in the following weeks, as they juggled his departure from the NYPD, he had picked up many of his things and become a permanent fixture in her life.

She wasn't complaining.

It had made the transition so much easier.

At least at first.

It had seemed like he was on vacation, but as those first few weeks turned into months, she adjusted to her new reality. She had worked alone at first, partnering with Fin or Munch as needed, and she found it wasn't as horrible as she imagined. She had a new partner now and they were learning how to work together. It was a process. But at the end of the day, Elliot would be waiting with open arms, and having that to look forward to, got her through the day.

Olivia pulled her sweater over her head as she made her way through the living room on her way to the bedroom. She paused outside the door, shedding her belt, her black pants, her socks and her bra. She turned out the small lamp sitting on the small table and crept quietly into the bedroom. Once inside, she pulled the covers back and slipped inside. Olivia hadn't intended to wake him, but the moment she slid between the sheets, she found herself seeking him out, as she did every other night she snuck into bed.

Elliot rolled towards her, murmured something unintelligible into her hair, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body tightly against him. He was warm from sleep, and she melted into him, feeling the chill leave her body. Olivia slid one leg between his, and Elliot pressed his lower half against her. She knew it would be easy to wake him with a few kisses…a few strokes…but as she focused on the steady beat of Elliot's heard, her exhaustion set in. Moments later, she could feel sleep starting to take over. Right before she succumbed to sleep, she heard Elliot's voice.

"Glad you're home safe." He whispered. "I missed you."

That was the last thing she heard before she drifted off.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot smiled as Olivia emerged from the bedroom. Her hair was tousled, and she still looked half-asleep, but she had managed to pull on a pair of loosely fitting sweatpants and a t-shirt. "Good morning." He looked at his watch. "Or should I say good afternoon?"

"It's not even noon yet." Olivia said, shuffling into the kitchen to pour herself some coffee.

"It's 11:58." Elliot said with one eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face.

"Give me a break." Olivia said as she came around the wall that separated her kitchen from her living room and sat down at the small table, across from Elliot. "It was a late night."

"You think I don't know that?" He loved the fact that she wasn't particularly a morning person. The sleepy look on her face and in her demeanor was adorable, although he'd never tell her that. "I was awake when you got home."

"You weren't awake. I heard you snoring."

"I wasn't snoring." He said. "Any anyway, if I was sleeping, it wouldn't matter because as soon as you press your cold feet against my legs, I'm wide awake."

"Fine." Olivia said, hearing the teasing tone in his voice but playing along. "Sleep at your own place and then I won't wake you."

"Let's not get crazy." Elliot said. He reached over and hooked the legs of her chair, pulling her closer to him. Their knees knocked together and he kissed her. "When are we going to talk about getting a place of our own?" He asked as he released her mouth. He had asked her at least a dozen times and somehow, she always avoided the conversation.

"There's just a lot going on right now." Olivia said. She was still adjusting to a new partner and new dynamics at work, and to she and Elliot being involved in a way she had never thought possible before.

Elliot gave her a good-natured grin. "It's been over six months."

"Yeah, but we were partners for over 12 years."

"True." Elliot sat back in his chair, noticing the way Olivia focused on her mug and not on him. "Is there something you're not telling me?" He thought things were going well between them. They had talked through a lot of issues, past and present. Things like Kathy's perceptions…his kids…the other squad members…Oregon…Gitano. The list went on and on. But in this moment, he felt like they were in a really good place. He sat back up as a thought struck him. "Wait a minute. Are you afraid this isn't going to last?"

Olivia looked up at him then. "What? No. Of course not." She tried to sound convincing, but she'd be lying if she said she hadn't harbored that thought once or twice. "I mean, sometimes…doesn't it seem like it's too good to be true? That something is going to come along and mess things up?"

"No." Elliot said quickly. "I don't feel that way at all." He hated that for some reason, Olivia still felt like she didn't deserve to be happy. He knew there was a lot of deep, hidden emotional scars that she bore, and that it wasn't necessarily a conscious thing, but she should expect more for herself. And from him.

"You always had more faith than me." Olivia said. She didn't want to be negative, but their entire partnership had been so tumultuous that she felt she had to approach this relationship with a certain amount of self-preservation in mind. She saw the dejected look on Elliot's face, and she felt horrible. She reached out and snagged his hand. "I'm happy right now El. Really happy. These past six months with you have been…" She laughed lightly. "I don't even know how to describe it."

"You mean 12 year and six months." Elliot joked.

"Well, some of those years weren't so great." She teased back. "But I'll definitely give you half credit." She was trying to lighten the mood because she did want him to know that she truly was ecstatic with how things were going.

"It's OK to be happy." Elliot said.

"I know that. Didn't I just say I was happy?"

"Yeah but you qualified it with _right now_. Like you're not sure there's a future here."

"You're reading into it." Olivia said with a slight eye roll.

Elliot leaned forward again. "Am I?"

Olivia pressed her lips together and gave him a look that let him know she didn't appreciate his continued questioning. "I just said things were good."

"What am I going to have to do to make you believe that this is forever Liv?" He stood up, still holding her hand. "Should I get down on one knee and ask you to marry me?" He started to bend down, and he saw the look of shock and utter panic on Olivia's face. He almost paused but then a little voice in his head said _fuck it_. He wanted to do this. He had his right knee on the ground when he grasped her hand more firmly in his. "Olivia Benson, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Elliot." Olivia said, her voice a harsh whisper. "Get up." She was so flustered. "This isn't something to joke about."

"I'm not joking." The words felt right as he'd said them, and a part of him couldn't imagine why he hadn't asked her at the beach house.

Olivia drew in a sharp breath. This was real. Elliot was asking her to marry him. Her mind was racing as hundreds of memories of their years together fought for her attention. She felt like she couldn't breathe, and she honestly wondered if she might pass out. She brought her free hand to her chest and closed her eyes, trying to grasp some semblance of control, when she heard Elliot say her name softly.

"Olivia."

She opened her eyes and saw his earnest stare…the intensity of the blue…the confidence…the certainty…and it calmed her instantly.

"Say that you'll marry me." Elliot said, his voice still soft.

Olivia looked back and forth between his eyes, trying to find her voice. She wanted to say yes…her body was screaming to say yes…but she found herself just nodding.

"Is that a yes?" Elliot smirked, surprised to see that he had rendered her speechless.

"Yes." Olivia finally choked out. "Yes." She said again, her voice firmer this time.

Elliot pushed himself up and pulled her from her chair in one mad rush. He brushed her messy hair back from her face and cupped her jaw with his hands, kissing her deeply. She felt her fingers digging into his waist, but she was kissing him back eagerly. When he released her, he saw a smile on her face, but also a look of disbelief.

"Is this really happening?" She whispered.

Elliot nodded. "It's really happening." He dropped his hands and grabbed her left hand in his. "I don't have a ring." He said with regret. Whenever he had imagined any possible scenario where this could happen, he had envisioned something grand. With flowers and a ring and lots of romance.

"I don't need a ring." Olivia said quickly.

"Of course, you do." He wanted everyone to know she was his. Finally. "I'm sorry about…" He waved his hand around the room. "I always imagined some grand proposal…"

Olivia lifted her hand to his lips. "This is perfect. You know I wouldn't have wanted that." She looked down at her sloppy sweats and t-shirt. "It seems appropriate given that I'm in sweats."

"You look beautiful." Elliot said quickly, drawing her body against his.

"You're biased." Olivia said.

"Hmmm. If you say so." Elliot murmured against her mouth as he kissed her gently. He let her go and dropped her hand, taking a few steps back with excitement. "OK. This is…OK." He took a deep breath. "We should call someone. We should celebrate. We should go look at rings…" He saw the look of surprise on her face at the abrupt change in direction. "What? I want to celebrate."

Olivia cocked her head slightly and gave him a small smile. She knew he wanted to make their news public, but she wasn't quite ready for that. She needed some time to adjust to the idea that this was really going to happen. This was between her and Elliot, and she wanted to keep it that way for just a little bit longer.

She closed the gap between them and placed the palm of her hand on his chest. "How about we go back to bed and celebrate in private?"

Elliot let out a small chuckle. "I could be persuaded to go along with that plan too…" He said, wrapping his hand over hers. "But then…"

Olivia nodded. "We'll talk about that later." She said. She pulled away from him, intertwining her fingers with his and leading him towards the bedroom.

Elliot stopped, forcing Olivia to stop, and she turned to look back at him.

"What?"

"Are you really going to marry me?" he asked.

Olivia narrowed her eyes and let out a small laugh. "Didn't I say I would?"

"Yeah, but…" It was all just hitting him now, and his emotions were threatening to overpower him. It had all happened so quickly…everything had changed…and a part of him was having a hard time comprehending that he finally had the very thing his heart had desired for so long.

Olivia watched the emotions play out on his face, and she knew exactly what he was feeling, because it mirrored her own. She moved back towards him and cupped his face in her hands. "It's all kind of mind-blowing, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Elliot choked out.

"I'm going to tell you something that a very smart man told me once." She said, sliding one hand behind his neck and placing a gentle kiss on his jaw. "It's OK to be happy."

"I know that." He choked out. "I'm…I just can't believe that we're…here." He grasped her waist and pulled her against him. "You're going to be my wife."

"I know. It sounds…strange…but you're stuck with me. Maybe you should have thought this through a little more before your spontaneous proposal." Olivia teased, trying to bring him back to her.

Elliot let out a small sigh and gave her a quick smile. He wrapped his arms around her and picked her up bridal style, eliciting a cry of sheer surprise from Olivia. "No place I'd rather be." He headed towards the bedroom. "Let's celebrate."

The End.

AN: Thanks for all the notes and reviews on this story. I'm honestly not sure what I'll be writing next…so we will see. But I appreciate your continued support.


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